April 23, 2006

FIFA is for Fornicating International Footy Arseholes

This isint mine, but I got it from Grumpy's gripes. I just thought it was too funny to leave on the australian continent. Courtsey of www.webwombat.com

Oh well, I guess it was always going to happen. The Boys Club of soccer - Fornicating International Footy Arseholes, or FIFA - has right royally screwed us once again.

Yup, the movers and shakers of soccer have bowed to South American pressure faster than a Latin American politician puts his hand out for dodgy cash and have gone back on a promise to allow Oceania an automatic place in the 2006 World Cup Finals.

Now, once again the winner of the Oceania qualifying group - either Australia or New Zealand - will have to travel around the globe putting up with sooky-boy South American wussers.

You can just imagine how the vote was changed can't you.

The delegates would have been sitting around a Rio de Janiero pool, being wined, dined and entertained by buxom South American beauties opening large suitcases stuffed with either pesos or cocaine.

An oily perspiring type would be talking to them along the lines of ...

"Hey, seenors, we wanna have one more team in the World Cup to satisfy the ambitions of our glorious nations and show that apart from corruption, fiscal incompetence, trigger-happy soldiers, ignoring soul-destroying poverty and wiping out the rainforests by the banana-boat load - we South Americans can play the beautiful game better than anyone."

The scumbags of Fornicating International Footy Arseholes would all be nodding their heads in agreement (or would they be just wiping the cocaine from their noses) saying what wonderful types the Latins are.

And there would be the fine upstanding figure of the Australian Soccer representative who would be making noises about improving the world game by showing our talent off to the world and the boost to it in this country. She'd also drop in the bazillions of bucks that Fornicating International Footy Arseholes would earn through TV rights to a First World country, rather than a collection of tin-pot dictatorships.

The Fornicating International Footy Arseholes voters would look at our gal for a few moments and then ask in one voice "But what do we get?"

To which our honest and upright gal would say "it would be good for soccer."

Four days later - when the laughter from Fornicating International Footy Arseholes reps died down - she'd be told something along the lines of "keep trying, we'll do more for you next time."

Well, dear readers, it has to be said that there is only one person that South Americans would listen to - Margaret Thatcher!

Yup, one mention of the Iron Lady and the macho men of South America would fill their pants instantly and think twice about going back on their promises.

"Remember the Falklands" should be Soccer Australia's catch-cry and every time we play the Latins we should have banners, flags and people wearing hats and T-shirts featuring the sinking battleship General Belgrano.

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