June 26, 2010

ReSurveyed After 1.6 years

Put an X in what you've done... (12.10.08)
Put a Y in what you've done... (6.26.10)


[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[y] have many scars.
[xy] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[yx] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[xy] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[y] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[y] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[xy] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[xy] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[xy] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.


[xy] I'm in school.
[y] I have a job.
[xy] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[y] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[xy] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.


[xy] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[xy] I've snorted while laughing.
[xy] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[xy] I've glued my hand to something. Three words, zap-a-gap
[xy] I've had my pants rip in public.


[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[y] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[y] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox
[ ] I've had measles.


[y] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[xy] I've been on a plane.
[xy] I've been to Canada.
[xy] I've been to Mexico
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.


[y] I've gotten lost in my city.
[xy] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[xy] I've seen a meteor shower.
[y] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[xy] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[xy] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[xy] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[xy] I've gone skinny dipping.
[xy] I've played spin the bottle.
[xy] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[xy] I've been skiing.
[xy] I've been in a play.
[xy] I've met someone in person from MySpace.
[xy] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[xy] I've sat on a roof top at night
[y] I've played chicken.
[xy] I've played a prank on someone.
[xy] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[xy] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.


[y] I'm single.
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[y] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[y] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[xy] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[xy] I've kept something from a past relationship.


[xy] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[xy] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[xy] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[xy] I've hugged a stranger.
[y] I have kissed a stranger


[xy] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[xy] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[y] I've snuck out of my house.
[xy] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[y] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[xy] I've cheated while playing a game.
[y] I've cheated on a test.
[y] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[xy] I've witnessed a crime.
[xy] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.


[xy] I've consumed alcohol.
[y] I regularly drink.
[xy] I've passed out from drinking.
[xy] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[xy] I've smoked weed.
[y] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[y] I've done hard drugs.
[xy] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[y] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[xy] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[xy] I've woken up crying. Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[xy] I've seen someone dying.
[xy] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[xy] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[xy] I've planned my own suicide.
[y] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.


[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[xy] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[xy] I own something from Pac Sun.
[y] I collect comic books.
[xy] I own something from The Gap.
[xy] I own something I got on e-bay.
[xy] I own something from Abercrombie
[y] I can sing well.
[y] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[xy] I open up to others easily.
[xy] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[xy] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[xy] I curse regularly.
[xy] I sing in the shower.
[xy] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I love being neat.
[xy] I love Spam.
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[xy] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[y] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[xy] I know how to shoot a gun.
[y] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[xy] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[xy] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[xy] I play video games.
[xy] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[y] I'm good at remembering dates.
[xy] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

June 20, 2010

Qui me Protegera

It's been a year and a half now. Yet, I still seem to sink myself, deep and onto the verge of emotions with past letters, and journal entries. I dont know why, she's still sitting there, on a little bench in my brain, dangling a foot crossed over the other leg. What difference is there, from any other relationship I've ever had? Some reasons, just cant come forward and raise their hands. Yet, past loves, some have just left just like that. I cant explain it.

It doesn't keep me up at night, I dont lose anything over it. But for any multitude of reasons, my mind wanders back to her. Beautiful, intelligent, adorable, childish, artistic, talented, encouraging, and indefatigable. I dont know if my body wishes for her, to be mine once more, or just to see her one last time. My mind knows, she is but a spirit, unchainable, and unrestrictable. Unstill and heart, open to one and all. Just not me alone anymore.

June 08, 2010


Rafe laid in bed, his body, cradled by the feather mattress and the down comforter. Beside his naked head, a second head lay as well. Delicate features, slightly tan skin, and hair bun tied up. The bun bobbled back, gently smushing into his nose, stirred him, from gentle to a stark angry look. He rolled over, the only sound being of the rustling of fresh linens and a small groan as the turn took place. Like an animal, she sensed a change in the environment, her nimble body adapting and turning over to face Rafe's head, or at least the back of it. Her nose homed in and her body slid closer until the tip of her nose poked the back of his neck. His eyes stirred, brow furrowed until it clicked, the smug expression shaped itself into a smile, and he rolled over. His eyes slid open slowly to look at her sleeping face. He watched it for a moment, pensively examining all her features. Rafe leaned in and kissed her forehead. For a minute, the face manipulated itself into a smile, before it broke out into a giggle. Rafe leaned his head in, her eyes opened ever so slightly, the glassy green-blue eyes peered back at him, sparkling in the morning sunlight.
"Sam..." Rafe paused for a moment, "Hi."
Her face stretched back into a silly smile.
"Rafe?" Samantha asked.
"Hi." He laughed and wrapping his arms around her body, then his legs until they were entangled in each other.

She was,

I cant help but recall, the pull
it guides me near, tempting me
to a nearside fate, wishing and
wanting that, which forever
shall no longer be mine.

Ev'ry quark and thing, still sounds
deep resonations with me, haunting but
charming at the same.
To no end, I list
the ways, you've done
right or wrong, and I count
I've wronged you, more than
anyone deserves.

Spinning away at my insides
I tear at my hair, cursing
the mistakes I made, wishing and hoping
that by chance, no it would
not ever be so.
The Wild North
The Simplicity of Sincere
The Sincereness of the Simple
Every loving gesture, for this
mobile idiot, who spurs
and overlooks?

You've gone and done it.
Identity Lost
Paradise Lost
Love lingers, Lost but not Gone.