February 27, 2007

yet again...

Honda wigger clown car story.


Date: 2005-04-07, 1:36AM PDT


This is a true story. I swear Im not making any of this up. ....and you may very well see the car and laugh your ass off as well.

So Im a car enthusiast, and part time auto mechjanic who helps the neighbors out with thier cars. Hey, ive got a little knowledge, been doing this for a few years, and Ive got a great set of tools. I have a rather fast and rare early 70s hobby car that i take out on weekends, an oldsmobile 442.

So anyway. My neighbors kid turns 17, and the mother gives him her honda civic.
Say it out loud now with me. Honda civic.

Plastic and aluminum, 75 horsepower, basic commuter car, honda civic.

"perfect for a new driver, economical, easy to maintain and dependable a good basic car for junior," i thought to myself.

The first week was fine, he bought spinning hubcaps and a set of dragon seat covers for it. That should have been it. He should have left it alone.

The week after that, I walk out to my mailbox, and I almost called the cops. I thought I had just seen a UFO. as it slowly approached.....i could see it was a HONDA CIVIC.....with four different blinking colors of neon underneath it. Holy shit. I almost had a fucking siezure looking at this thing. Even the shifter knob was blinking.

.....Then about 48 hours later, Im laying in bed, about ready to fuck my girlfriend when I hear BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-owwww. BZZZZ-owww. over and over in the neighbors garage.
"Well this is an odd time of night for Mr. Richardson to be fucking around with his chainsaw." I thought out loud. After forty five minutes of this irritating buzzing, I thought Id go over and ask the neighbor to play with his chainsaw in the morning.
Here is the junior richardson boy, proudly revving his engine up and down. 4 more wannabe fake gangsta kids were standing around "tuning" his new exhaust.....which consisted of a rather small header and 4 coffee cans spray painted silver and the words "TYPE-R" stenciled on it.

Holy shit. I told him to pleae quit fucking with the car so I could sleep.

Wait, that is BY FAR not all.

The following week, he ask me if he can borrow a screwdriver and a hammer. He is installing his new "type r" rear spoiler. He was rather proud of it. He paid almost 600 dollars for it. I asked him where he was going to put it, since a honda civic does not have a trunk. "The roof, dawg" is what he told me.
This spoiuler looks like an aluminum picnic table that you would see in a public park, except for lots of rivets in it and the words "Type R" all over it.
I almost stopped him, but I wanted to see how retarded it would look.
I gleefully helped him install it. Yup, totally retarded. Classic.
He went on to explain to me that he needed it for all of the downforce he needed to maintain traction at supersonic speeds.
4 cylinders.
75 horsepower.
Downforce. Oh my god, what a retard.

It gets better.

2 weeks later, he is asking to borrow my cordless drill.
He just bought a body kit, yo, and heeds to be down fo' shizzle wit da tool dawg to istall it, no wut hes sane, dawg?
Body kit. Pay attention. It gets good here.
So he drills all of the holes, double sided tape and screws this motherfucker to his car, and it REALLY is beginning to look like a space ship. or a an alien life form. Or a circus car. Well, circus, not yet. Thats coming.
heres the problem. The body kit is white. The car is dark green. It looks like a burrito vomit.....and the car is a full 4 inches wider, and 2 inches lower than it was before.
He cant get the doors to open or close properly, because the "body kit, yo" is catching the door jamb. So, always the helpful one, I give him my grinder. That was the coolest, watching this 'tard grind on his new 1200 dollar yo yo word up body kit. word. It was the flyest, dawg.

Circus act part 1.

Now, he decides he wants to "Lower the ride, dog."
I wouldnt let him use my tools, as I was afraid this dumb fuck would blow himself up with what he wanted to do next.
He would cut the coils. dangerous. Unsafe. Stupid.

He succeeded in cutting the coils, but now his new body kit dawg was dragging on the ground. and, to top it all off, the car was bouncing up and down like a carnival ride, effectively ending his neon lighted glory. His type r exhaust was dragging on the ground as well.

You should see how retarded this fucker looks. A huge picnic table on the roof, 2 tone body kit, special kid tailights. blinking, broken neon, stickers all over it, buzzing like a chainsaw on crack, bouncing up and down like a clown car.

Wait, thats not all. now hondtard wants a "syssem, yo." Oh yeah. He pieced together 6 different trashed car stereos, one home streo, and a kraagen auto parts special base speaker, and somehow wired the neon lights (whats left of them) to blink with the beat of the music.
....Except you cant hear the music. You can only hear the bass. ...And it rattles his rooftop spoiler and license plate frame.

Now its REALLY looking AND SOUNDING like a clown car.

Okay. Now for hondtards carbon fiber paint job. He puts a hood scoop from an early 60s mustang on it, and its EMORMOUS. It kind of balanced out the retardeness of the rear spoiler/picnic table.
Then out comes the spray cans. All 18 of them. First, he pulled off his spinning hubcaps, and painted the wheels BLACK. Flat black.
Then he painted the body kit dawg bright, neon yellow.
The rest of the car was painted bright red, with a purple fist turning into a dragon or some shit airbrushed on the doors.

Clown car complete? Not yet.

As I stated previously, I have experience with fast cars. He knows that I can make a car go fast. He comes over with a copy of "honda tuuner guy" magazine, filled with equally retarded looking cars.
He asks me: "Yo dawg, i wanna make dis here b18 goes fast and shit. I was thinkin of an acura V-tec swap or some NOSS"
So i asked him, what exactly do you intend to do with this car? Will you be entering it in the most retarded car contest, or what?
He says: "Naaw, cracka. That shit is be is funny and shit, but I is for reals, for reals. I need to be running in the 12s and making 350 horsepower"
So I asked him: Why dont you save your money and buy a car that already makes 350 horsepower, like a camaro or a GTO or something, instead of trying to make a car with 75 horsepower, that was never intended to go that fast any faster?

"dont be a foo, yo. Everybody knows dat ode skoo shit cant hang" he tells me.
Now Im pissed. Insulted. I said: Lookit here, junior, i'll pull my olds cutlass out of the garage and make your shit look like it was going backwards. No noss, no turbo, no stickers and no body kit is gonna help you beat the "ODE SKOO" cars, DAWG. And the same goes for any of your other retard car driving friends.
Ill have you and your homies wetting your pants with fear before we ever hit second gear. You have 6 grand worth of shit bolted onto a 1000 dollar car that was perfectly good when you got it, and now it looks, sounds and drives like ass. Get the fuck out of my garage.
He looked like he was gonna cry.
He left with a solid "Fuck you dawg, ill beat your old man car with a 150 shot" and he left, trying to pull up his drawers and give me the finger at the same time.

Showdown.

Now I am a responsible adult, and I do not condonne street rascing. However, when faced with a direct insult, challenge, and fuck you, amy man tends to be defensive enough to take a few risks.

Beautiful sunny day. First day Ive had my car out of the garage all winter. I check the fluids. I start the engine. I anticipate a crisp, lively jaunt at mind-bending speeds up the interstate.
I rev my engine, i sip my coffee.

Hondtard heard me revving my engine, and him and 2 of his friends do the same in the driveway. One is a New acura in the pre-clown car stages of molestation, and the other one is junior's moms civic. It sounds like a lawn mower race at the richardsons house. I crank my engine up to 3000 RPM and drown them out.

I climb in my car, check the guages, and idle out into the road.

I look in my rearview, and Im being followed by two bouncing, brightly colored bumping clown cars with backward hat retards pointing in my direction.

I ignore them. Not worth my trouble. Im an adult.

Acuretard and hondtard pass me when I hit the 680 on the left and the right.
Bzzzzzzzz.
Gone. Good. I am halfway to livermore when they blast out of the on ramp and attempt to box me in. acuratard is revving his engine and pointing forward , hondtard is slowing me down in front of me.

Fuck it. Ive had enough.

I stuffed it down into third gear, opened all 455 cubic inches wide open, almost rear-ended hondtard and swerved directly at acuratard.
I broke the rear tires loose at 70 miles an hour, and acuratard was busy downshifting trying to get enough speed up to catch me.

I dusted these little cocksuckers so bad they simply dissappeared. I got off on the livermore exit and waited for them on the on ramp. Some of thier own game. Right back atcha homie.

I let them see me. Then I smoked the tires brutally and violently out of the ramp so that they would know I was pissed and coming for them.

I knew the honda was slow, so i ignored him and brought it down right on the acuras bumper. I got within an inch of this terrified teenagers ass and popped on the high beams and gunned the motor. I mashed the gas i n third and was threatening to bump him. 90, 100, 110....
he couldnt get away from me. he waved for me to pass. hondtard was WAAAAY in the back.
The acura fag was scared, and beaten and he knew it. I pulled alongside.

I motioned for him to roll down his window. I screamed and pointed. He backed way off.

I stuck my finger in the air and screamed fuck you at acura tard, and dumped it, quickly accelerating to 130 MPH until they couldnt see my tailights any more.

Later that evening, as I told my fiancee this story ("your a juvenile asshole, you could have killed those kids and you are going to piss off the neighbors")

I heard two chainsaws idle up very slowly to my house. Holy shit. Its a drive by. These fuckers want to kill me.
A knock on the door.
I answer it, ready to beat some fake gangsta ass if I have to.

They want to see my car now. "Do you have noss?, is it a hemi?"

fags. get lost.

Clown car is still on the road, but now homie g wants to learn all about the "ode skoo"

If you see this car, put a sticker on it. He seems to like them, and thinks they make the car cooler. Then dust his ass once for good measure.

You simply have to see this kids car to believe it. If your car looks retarded and its fast, cool. Then you can look a little fucking special and get away with it. But this thing looks like it was dropped off at the special education shop class and built by retards, and it s not even quick.

In honor of dale "pimpdaddyhustla" richardson, class of 2006 and his clown car, I dedicate this to you. Let me take you for a ride once you feel you are man enough. I see you stepped up to the plate and lost big time. Im willing to help you install the noss and the v-tecs and let you try again.

Muahaha! Being Right feels good. It does. Admit it

Another from the Best of CL


Bicycle Avenger- Hit&Run Drivers BEWARE!


Date: 2005-05-01, 10:50AM PDT


So the other day I am riding my bike down Valencia Street (don't so many aventures start this way...) and I see a nicely dressed middle aged Asian guy (lets call him Steve) get hit by a young, rather blank expressioned white lady driving an old beat up white toyota 2 door of some sort (lets name her Gretchen, I hate that name). She ran right into him as he was walking across the street in front of lost weekend video! I was all, "dude that sucks, whatever..." until I saw them talking, and Gretchen totally tries to screech away. Steve totally jumps in front of her car and is fuckin' fuming, banging on her hood and yelling "STOP STOP STOP", because she should totally get out, apologize, offer him her insurance information and so on. I am sure Steve was a nice guy, and wouldn't have sued, had she been reasonable and apologized, assuming he wasn't hurt, which based on his spazzing up and down all over her hood, he was not. END DIGRESSION:

So after Steve banging on her hood a bit, Gretchen totally tries to mow him down, with a swerve type manuever, then bangs a screeching (old crappy car, parts falling off) right turn on 22nd street. I saw the whole thing and its a clear case of right and wrong, so I spring into superhero mode.

Okay, I am not johnny do-gooder or anything, I ride critical mass, I fucking throw conceptual molitov coctails at the establishment, I piss on capitalism, I would never work (and never have) or a corporation, and I am a big advocate for a just, sacred and sustainable world. But, I consider myself to be chaotic good meaning I don't obey laws because of blind obedience, I only obey laws I agree with, because I happen to think I am a more moral person than most people who make laws. If the laws are wrong, fuck em. But when a law happens to agree with what I beleive true justice to be, I use the cops as a tool to make the world more like what I think it should be. That being said, I put in my hands-free headset on my cellphone and took after that crotchety bitch like a Golden Gate bike cop. I was on the phone with dispatch, but I was put on hold, and I didn't have her plate number.

She was driving around blocks, making short turns, weaving in and out of traffic, but I happen to know that a car goes just about as fast as a bike in this city, due to the timing of the traffic lights and all that. I drive a cab, and all day I see cyclists ripping past me, because they don't have to stop for lights, unless a cop is there. The whole time I am chasing her, I am going, don't go up hill, don't go up hill, but she hits all the major ones;

22nd and Guerrero to Church Street, up "hill" street, down towards Dolores park, up church towards market... UGHH!! I finally catch up to her at church and market because of the long light, and get her plate number, call the cops, and make sure they attach it to the right file on their computer. It was confirmed that there was a hit&run reported at that location, and that no one had gotten a liscense plate for the criminal. I did good, it is one of those rare times in which you are positive that you helped someone and that good triumphed over evil.

MORAL: There are too many hit and runs in San Francisco. I see it all the time driving a cab. I was hit by a drunk driver on my motorcycle, and she tried to get away, but her dumbass was in neutral when she slammed on the gas. I ran up to her shouting her liscense plate number, and only THEN did she get out and start pouring on the fake sympathy. I sued her ass off.

DO NOT DRIVE DRUNK, DO NOT HIT&RUN. THESE THINGS ARE WRONG AND DO NOT MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH IT ON MY WATCH.

-Concerned Citizen

Hehe, 100 years ago

I'm sorry, I just feel like posting things from the Best of Craigslist SF


From the Craigslist Archives: 100 Years Ago.


Date: 2006-12-30, 2:09AM PST


Damnation! Cable Car Bells. Day and Evening - Clang! Clang! Clang!

I Paid $2 for a Lady of the Evening in the Barbary Coast. Was I Taken Advantage of?

W4M: Skinny Ladies - Abandon all Hope of Finding a Gentleman. Society Would Think We cannot Afford to Feed You.

RE: Cherokee, etc. ... You had no Less than Seven Spelling Errors in Your Missive.

Re: Damn Ferries! ... Bridges Traversing the Bay? That's a good one! You, Sir, are a Loon!

Progeny Persist in Playing Ragtime so Loudly on the Pianoforte that I cannot Concentrate on Reading Ovid.

Was Saturday Night Live as Funny Last Night as it was in 1871? I Think NOT.

RE: Stop Tapping Your Key so Hard ... I Shall TAP My Key as Hard as I Please.

To the Clerk at Trader Josephs

Secondhand Rum Fumes Kill Innocent Babies.

Re: Opium Den ... We Call it 530 here. The Coppers do not Know what that Means.

I Predict that in 100 Years We Shall all Respect & Love One Another & Stop this Petty Bickering

Youngsters Bundling without Chaperones! Do They Really do this??? Can it be Stopped???

Cherokee Savages Have the Smallest Male Members

Benjamin & Gerald Name Iced-Cream in Honor of John Philip Sousa

RE: My Electric is Off Again ... Cheapskate. Switch to Westinghouse. Expensive but Reliable.

Where Might a Visitor Find a Good 13 Course Dinner in the City?

Damn Ferries! In the Future We Shall Cross the Bay on Bridges and be Done with Them.

All Who Invested Their Savings in the Kinetescope Business are Fools

French Maids!!! Stereo-Opticon Cards. Twelve for $1.

Christopher Pennington, Esq., Invites All to His Home on Nob Hill for Coffee & Cakes on New Year's Day.

To the "Gentlemen" on Polk Street Who Scared My Horses. Pull Up Your Pants!!!

RE: Re: Krauts, etc., etc., ... and the Pollacks!

Next Summer's Bathing Costumes are Scandalous.

Would a Kind Member of the CL Community Please Direct Me to a Respectable Opium Den?

Anarchist Rally this Weekend. Time & Place Unknown. BYOB.

Re: Krauts, etc. ... You Forgot the Chinks, Spics and Jews.

A Teaspoon or Two of Laudanum Helps Children Sleep.

I Wish to Punch a Drinker of Demon Rum Right in the Face.

Gain 50 Pounds in 50 Days. You Need not Look Like a Starving Peasant. All New - Pure Lard Diet!

Re: For the Boys - Ankle Flash ... YOU WILL BURN IN HELLFIRE ETERNAL FOR POSTING THAT!!

English Building Unsinkable Ship. USA Lags in Technology.

My Electric is Off Again. Edison Will Not Answer His Telephone.

Stop Tapping Your Key so Hard. It is the Equivalent of Shouting.

M4W: Honest Farmer 65 Seeks Healthy Wife 18 to Bear Children, Pull Plow, Cook

To the Surrey (with the fringe on top) that Splashed Me with Mud on Third Street

Rapscallions, Pull Up You Pants!

KKK Cross Burning Tonight. Good Family Fun.

Roosevelt More Evil than the Kaiser. I am Ashamed of My Country.

For the Boys - Ankle Flash

Krauts, Micks, Wops: the downfall of America.

Nerdlings

From Melbot

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...


Date: 2005-04-03, 9:30PM PDT


In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/66795671.html

18

I'm 18 now. Hooray for me! What to do first? Well, its already the end of the day. I got some pretty lovely gifts from my friends and my girl. I registered to vote today too.

Things i'm going to have to do within the next month:

1. Buy lotto tickets
2. Buy a cigar for display
3. Buy porno
4. Join the masons

February 25, 2007

One quiz

and that's it. To give you a bit of a peep into my life.

60 Random Questions]

1. Who is the last person you held hands with?
Mel

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'd have to

3. Can you do a Cartwheel?
Nope. Never could

4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
when i'm feeling slovenly

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
never participated in one

7. How fast can you type?
close to 70 to 80 wpm

8. Are you afraid of the dark?
only of the things i'll bump into

9. Eye color?
brown. Maybe a Chestnut

10. what do you wish you were doing right now?
done with homework

11. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
never

12. Do you knock on wood?
just did earlier

13. Are you drinking anything right now?
nope

15. Can you hoola hoop?
yes

16. Are you good at keeping secrets?
sorta. It kinda comes out eventually

17. What do you want for Christmas?
A cowboy hat

18. Do you know the Muffin Man?
I never go to the muffin shop.

19. Do you talk in your sleep?
I aparently did once. I stood up in bed. I walked towards the door (this was in a hotel) and my dad asked me where I was going. I said I'm going to the museum. He said: no no! You cant go at this hour! and I went back to bed

20. Who wrote the book of love?
book of love? Bwah?

21. Have you ever flown a kite?
Many kites. More than 1/2 of them end up charlie browned

23. Do you consider yourself successful?
Of a moderate sort

24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell?
150 or so

25. Have you ever asked for a pony?
No, but i've asked for a Model A Ford

26. Plans for tomorrow?
School and homework. Stop by the library to drop off a video

28. Missing someone now?
Yeah

29. When was the last time you told someone 'I love you'?
today

31. How are you feeling today?
Sick in the stomach

32. Do you like the color black?
Yeah. Not in the desert though

31.Have u ever been suspended or expelled?
Never! Asians dont end up like that

34. What are you looking forward to?
College

35. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes

37. Have you ever eaten dog food?
I think I might have. On a dare

38. Can you handle the truth?
No really, no

39. Do you like green eggs and ham?
I've had it. Blech

40. What 3 things you always bring w/ you to places?
Wallet, Phone, Pocket Constitution

41. Any cool scars?
No. Just the one on my knee for falling down a volcano in hawaii

42. Do you like or have a crush on anyone? Do they know?
I'm taken. Yes

43. How many kids do you plan on having?
2-3

44. What do you do when no one is watching?
Day Dream. I do it none the less.

45. Have you ever been in love?
Several times

46. Do you talk to yourself?
sometimes. To kill silence, or to look intelligent. (i.e. reading complicated crap)

47. Is there something you want that you can't have?
Yes

48. Three things about the opposite sex that you first notice?
Eyes, Thighs, Nose

49. Who are you thinking about right now?
I'm thinking about pizza

50. Who did you last hug?
Melissa

51. Where is your phone?
On my bureau

52. What was the last thing you ate?
Asparagus beef

54. Favorite Color?
Orange, Taupe, Sally Brownson White

55. What is the last movie you watched?
Forrest Gump

56.What song do you currently hear?
16 Military Wives

57. What do you want?
No school

58. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list?
Yes

59. What TV Show are you watching?
None.

60. When was the last time you kissed someone?
Friday



Ok, so I said it gave a view port, I didnt say it was the biggest one.

February 24, 2007

The truth about the Temperance Movement

The world now as well as the world back then was and always will be filled with hypocrites.

Recently, I believe last year, you know how every single faction is struggling with each other for a voice in the nation? Well it kinda exploded with a little pop over a whole BART incident. Living in the Bay Area, there are many signs promoting abortion and of course, it brings up complaints, but the Dems get to keep them up because of the free speech clause of the 1st amendment. But when the pro-life faction decided to post a pro-life poster in several BART stations, there was a call from the liberals to have all the posters removed. Well isn't that hypocratic of them? They fought for their voice and won, yet they attempt to stifle the voices of the other. Republicans are wrong! Dont believe a word! Give people a choice! Our choice! The right to abortion! We are right! Forget the saving of the child! It's a big battle, and it'll keep going on as long as i'm alive and then some.

But I was reviewing through my library today for a book to read on the can, and there's alot of book I have not read. I came across a book, "Years of Conscience" which was pretty much an anthology of several works written by muckrakers of the 1900s. But one article really pulled me in.

The "Patent Medicine" Curse
By: Edward Bok

It was an article pretty much outlining the truth about the magic cure-all tonics of the early 20th century. It's amazing how quickly we fell into the trap as ordinary consumers and people. None the less, people were ingesting alarming quantities of opium, cocaine and alcohol when taking these mystical medicines. Around the same time, women began their protest against the evils of alcohol and spirits. In a letter to the magazine that Mr. Bok wrote for, he made a letter obvious how the women protested at his magazine for printing an ad for Root Beer (which contained no alcohol of sorts) yet these same women would chug bottles and bottles of this stuff thinking it helped them get over the Winter bug or the many maladies that apparently attacked many of the women and people took.

Heaven forbid should a temperance movement woman should come across a child drinking a beer! But come winter and the cough that comes along with it, a little of tonic or bitters are prescribed to little junior to cure him.

In a chemical analysis provided by the book, most beers and spirits contain at that time, about 2 to 5 percent alcohol (which is a bit hard to believe, but what the hey, he researched it) whereas some of these miracle medicines contained as much as 50% alcohol. Not to mention uncounted amounts of cocaine and opium. What would mother more likely turn to to help her child? Mothering? or the Cure all?

Take the "Favorite Prescription" for example and from the ingredients contained, there was about

1/2 fluid drachm of Tincture of Digitalis
1/2 fluid drachm of Tincture of Opium
8 drops of Oil of Anise
1 1/2 ounces of Alcohol

*All this is in 9 oz of the aforementioned drug*

These same women who protested the advertising of rootbeer with out any alcohol of any sorts, were chugging at least a bottle or two of this stuff a day. You could even say the temperance movement was one that drank behind its back. Very hypocratic indeed...

So, i'll present a list from the book:

Lydia Pinkham's Vegetable compound 20.6% Alcohol (by volume)
Paine's Celery Compound 21.0%
Dr. William's Vegetable Jaundice Bitters 18.5%
Whiskol, "a non-intoxicating stimulant" 28.2%
Colden's Liquid Beef Tonic
"Reccomended for treating the alcohol habit 26.5%
Ayer's Sarsaparilla 26.2%
Thayer's Compound Extract of Sarsaparilla 21.5%
Hood's Sarsaparilla 18.8%
Allen's Sarsaparilla 13.5%
Dana's Sarsaparilla 13.5%
Brown's Sarsaparilla 13.5%
Peruna 28.5%
Vinol, Wine of Cod-Liver Oil 18.8%
Dr. Peter's Kuriko 14%
Carter's Physical Extract 22.0%
Hooker's Wigwam Tonic 20.7%
Hoofland's German Tonic 29.3%
Howe's Arabian Tonic, "Not a Rum Drink" 13.2%
Jackson's Golden Seal Tonic 19.6%
Meensman's Peptonized Beef Tonic 16.5%
Parker's Tonic "Purely Vegetable" 41.6%
Schekck's Seaweed Tonic "Entirely Harmless" 19.5%
Baxter's Mandrake Bitters 16.5%
Boker's Stomach Bitters 42.6%
Burdock Blood Bitters 25.5%
Greene's Nervura 17.2%
Hartshorn's Bitters 22.2%
Hoofland's German Bitters "Entirely Vegetable" 25.6%
Hop Bitters 12.0%
Hostetter's Stomach Bitters 44.3%
Kaufman's Sulphur Bitters "Contains No Alcohol"
As a matter of fact, it contains 20.5 percent
alcohol and no sulphur at all 20.5%
Puritana 22.0%
Richardson's Concentrated Sherry Wine Bitters 47.5%
Warner's Safe Tonic Bitters 35.7%
Warren's Bilious Bitters 21.5%
Faith Whitcomb's Nerve Bitters 20.3%

So what these people assumed as safe or more wonderful than going to the doctor turned out to be nothing more than repackaged alcohol in dangerous levels. Imagining ingesting any of this garbage and expecting it to work. I can only assume people took the stuff because the alcohol did most of the work. Thanks to the muckrakers, this nation has increased since, its at tentativeness to watch out for dangerous products and to keep the people of this nation informed and safe.

February 22, 2007

Chekov's "The Flying Islands"

The other day, I read a most absurd short story. Bl Anton Chekov, it's entitled The Flying Islands. So I felt the need to write my own crappy story too.

The Underwater Lump

Chapter 1:

Ah screw it

February 18, 2007

Possibly

Last night was possibly the most expensive dinner i've ever had. Although, i've only just eaten 1/12th of it. Last night, we weres celebrating new years eve and when the check came round, I heard several numbers mumbled out in chinese, but the one thing I did hear and understand was the tip ran to about 80 dollars or so. So, just from that, I guess dinner ran to about 500 dollars or so.

Shark fin soup: the best
Abalone: kinda interesting, funny taste
Steamed rock cod: mon dieu! tasty tasty tasty
Golden fried rice:
Lobster over noodles: simply to die for
Candied prawns and deep fried crab poofs: simply amazing

there's other stuff, I cant remember too well. But I dont think i've eaten that well in awhile.

A rare morning blog for you all.

Those of you who read me often know this is rather rare. For me to blog in the morning.

Today, i've just experienced the strangest sleeping habit ever. This morning, I was capable of sleeping for 59 minute intervals exactly. I first woke at about 7:59, went back to bed and woke again at 8:58 and did the same thing again and woke at 9:57. Then, when the clock struck 10, I finally jumped out of bed. Not too shabby eh?

But the dream I had between 8:58 and 9:57. That was an interesting one. I dreamed that I was a San Franciscan reporter for the chronicle and several independent papers and I was attending a pageant at the New Auditorium. The weird thing was, I had to design the auditorium like it was "The Sims 2" and the one thing I remember was putting in the revolving door between two cracks of a the building. Apparently, the pageant was a competition among the states to see which state was most american and would represent the USA in the "Pageantry of the world" competition. Of course, California lost and I think Nevada won. Those stupid sons of beehatches. Them and their pointy state. But then, I woke and it was the second perfect interval of 59 minutes.

So that's my day for the past hour. I've only woken about 51 minutes ago and I decided to tell you all.

BTW, happy new years.

February 16, 2007

Birthday Wish List

I'm finally 18 peeps. So what do I want? Many things come to mind.

1. A Laptop computer

2. A rugby ball

3. A fur lined sweatshirt or sheepskin lined jacket

4. Cricket Bat

5. Replacement Piano Books

My instruments

Alot of people say I dont have enough instruments, other say I have too many. I personally think I have too many. But thank god my house is big enough for them all.

1. Unknown Make Tenor Banjo (1970s)
Frets are too rectangular. I wanna change that, but I wouldnt know how

2. Hohner Les Paul Copy 1970s
It's decent, but the pots suck. Kinda heavy too yeah.

3. Squire Acoustic
I got this from the lost and found. The ladies who run it gave it to me.

4. Rover Mandolin
I bought this with my summer earnings. It's the cutest, dandiest thing ever

5. Leolani Uke
I bought it in hawaii. I compared it to my cousin's who we bought at the fair, mine was obviously, the better one. It's one that has a good fret scale too.

6. First Act Guitar.
My first guitar. I got it for the christmas before 2000. I was worried about not being able to play when there was no light because of the mileneum bug.

7. Sheaffer and Sons Upright
I've had this for a long time. This is my first piano ever and it's a pretty decent one. Hardly used anymore.

8. 1950s Howard Parlor Grand
This was a present from my piano teacher. When she retired, she gave me this piano and all it cost my family was the moving cost.

9. 1980 Buffet Crampon, R13 Bb clarinet
This my baby. She's the cream of the crop. Once I bought her, Buffet came out with an even newer model. The Tosca. I was like OMH! Heavy for some reason. A lot heavier than Sally's R13. It's missing alot of plating. Meaning, it's been loved before me.

10. 1994 Buffet Crampon, E11 A clarinet
came with my R13. It's in a double case with it. It's harder to play, and i've only used it once officially. I might get to use it for the musical if I transcribe my music. It's losing plating in several places.

11. 1998 Selmer USA CL300 Bb clarinet
They dont make these anymore. They're ancient history nowadays. The tone on it sucks ass.

12. Hohner 1898 Harmonica
My dad passed this onto me from his army days in alaska. Since he had nothing better to do, he learned harmonica. And he decided he couldnt play.

13. Hohner Chromatica 14
This is my harmonica. I got it for christmas, since I loved Larry Adler so much.

14. Shanghai Tremolo Harmonica
I got for christmas. It's not the best harp ever.

15. Er-hu
It's hard to describe. The head is snake skin and the bow cant be removed.

16. Tiny Accordian

17. Pan Flutes from Panama

18. Rainstick from Peru

19. Funny gourd instrument from china.
When you play it, it sounds like a car horn. Take the plug thingy out, it soudns like two cars.

So, that's about it. I'm probably forgetting some, but that's it.

February 15, 2007

Aargh!

I cant live in a world where truffle means a type of chocolate and a fungus!

*contemplates suicide over trifling truffle matter*

February 13, 2007

Wobbly Hog

I want a hedgehog. They're so cute and vicious looking at the same time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wobbly_hedgehog_syndrome

that's the worry... Wobbly Hedgehog syndrome... dom dom dommm

My past valentines..es

So you should know me kinda well I suppose. Many a times, i've participated in the annual mandatory give people valentines athon!

First time I ran into this was probably in Kindergarten.

K: Uh, not much I can remember. But I remember my crappy paper bag kinda mailbox. I wasn't one on decorating by wasting materials on a paper sack.

1st grade: No recollection either. Except the paper sack.

2nd grade: I got valentines! For the first time, I was forced into writing one for everyone in the class. By today's standards, it's kinda weird to write a boy a valentine.

3rd grade: An interesting spin off on the United States postal service. Kids in class and the sixth grade class forced into working like the men and women of the USPS. I was forced to stamp mail and yes, knowing the nerd I am, I created tables to increase efficency. Nerday!

4th grade: I was forced into designing some of the larger kids mailboxes due to my new spiffy calligraphy pen. Of course, it sits unused now.

5th grade: none

6th grade: Same as 3rd grade, I'm just the larger group now. I think I was on sorting mail. Those apple slices were a rip.

From here on out, i stopped giving out and getting valentines altogether. Before, they meant nothing more than wasting hours of cutting out pointless pieces of red paper and paper lace and gluing them together. Here, began the era of loneliness...

Junior year: First valentines in like ever! Christina was always nice to her friends so she did the little cheapy 99 cent pack valentines and a piece of candy.

Senior year: Desperate, and never knowing the true meaning of Valentines day. I was most likely to spend it like the other years. Alone and not really crying. But with the shock from being a couple to single really makes this time of year lonely. But I intend for change! Stay tuned for updates!

*rawr*

February 12, 2007

Entitlement

I'm not in a very bloggy mood. I'll just ramble about something. No I cant do it. I hate homework...

151: Bacardi and posts

So the postodometer hast finally rolled over 150. I'm going to give myself a pat on the back, get some ice cream. Maybe read someone else's blog and shut up about it. I've read what other people have to say and to be quite honest, I havent been motivated to write anything good lately. Not even a rant about how useless kids at school are.

February 10, 2007

Borge

Go listen to Victor Borge. He is the greatest comedic pianist that ever lived.

Levis: Motherfucking nice ass jeans

I will come before you, a humble man, as well as a man with the knowledge and truth of uh... me. I am talking about *da da daaa!* Levis Jeans. Those of you who know their awesomeness, you are dismissed. But those of you otherwise, stay awhile.

Why I felt like bringing this up was pretty much the fact that they're awesome in the most awesome way. You have all the styles to choose. Skinny straight, Skinny Relaxed, Skinny Boot, Low rise skinny, Low rise boot, Low Rise straight, Straight, Boot cut, etc.

I personally, am partial to the 527s. My first pair of real Levis Jeans that were bought specifically for me. In previous cases, I've had one pair of my dad's old 70s 501s, several pairs of 541s and a strange pair with a heavy leather label. I know i'm probably missing several other pairs, but forget them for now. The 527s are the ultimate in pants if you're looking for something durable, and goes well with work boots. Every week, i'm on a construction site and 527s get the job done. Granted, Levis has become more of a designer than the utility type of jeans, but some still are used on sites.

Pairs I want:
569
501 (that fit)
559

Frock Frock Frock Flock

Life has just started to enjoy screwing me over somehow. There's like 4 girls I like. And even my ex is back. Oh what do I do? I love them all. But I know it's for the best that things between me and exie are over. But what about the other gorgeous ladies? Haha, listen to me. I sound like a nerdy sly motherfucker. I cant stand myself sometimes. With my excessive eating and poor sanitary habits such as showering daily and washing jeans once every two weeks. Meh, I couldnt care less about the jeans thing. But I digress. What do I do...

Natalie Dee Valentines Day Cards


nataliedee.com

February 09, 2007

Mock Congress

So some of you might have read my congressional in an earlier post. Today, we actually went through with it. I would give you pictures, but I dont feel like it. I spoke against the Dont Ask Dont Tell ban, (I dont really feel that way. I had to come up with a speech against it). And I questioned the Suicide Act. Honestly, I dont think granting suicide is right in the first place. Doctors swear by the oath to never administer a drug to please someone if it results in death. And stupid Rendel just shunted me aside with the "next question". Oh how I despise her...

February 08, 2007

Aaaarguh!!

I've gone and done the most henious and stupid thing possible. I've lost my piano bag again. Luckily this time, my name is written in every book. Just hope it gets found.

February 04, 2007

Bye Bye Blog

After consideration and reluctance as well, I closed down Architecture rated. It didnt go as I had planned originally. It turns out, a blog on architecture is useless without going to the building themselves and taking photos of them. In person. To get a feel for the building itself. That my friends is why it died.

An Update

Some of you may know, but my grandfather is really sick at the moment. His heart is really failing now. I saw him the other day. He said he had a hard time sitting up and I only saw him for brief moments. He had no appetite and had a hard time breathing. I know he cant be saved, but I still have the memories of him. Like Miss Sally once said about her father's death. It really hurts you to see someone who once was strong, vivid and full of life. Destroyed and withered into a mess of thin human flesh. That's also what happened to my grandpa. Just a mere 6 months ago, he wasn't as bad as today, but he still had an appetite. He wore those silly sunglasses and a heavy flannel shirt everytime you saw him. He would walk about and sleep a little. When the baby was over, he'd be full of life and hold him and be all vivacious.

But when I saw him yesterday, he seemed no more a man than a skeleton, withering away from the effects of cancer.

February 02, 2007

Tzar Christian the Second

The Enormity of Ben's Nose


Behold it! In all it's nasal glory!!!

Top Seven Cars I want to drive before I die

It's every man's dream. To drive damn sexy cars. And I too am one of those kinds of guys. With that lust for metal and machines. But I decided to come up with a list of cars I definetly must drive before I die. So let's go on and start up with number seven

Number Seven:
Cadillac Escalade
Model: (Second Generation)

Why: Ever since the second gens came out, I just had a look at it and I knew I had to drive that. The bold definitive lines, the grill, the roomyness. The sheer magnificence of the word: Luxury SUV. Although, I feel it's rather unnecessary to drive such large cars now.


Number six:
Fiat Balilia
Model: Saloon or Spyder

Why: A little handsome car produced in italy during the war years. The spyder model is the one I want to drive. But lord knows how hard it'll be to get one of these.

Number five:

Ford Model A
Any model

Why: Since 2003, I've had a love affair with these depression era fords. In my opinion, one of the greatest cars ever produced by Ford apart from the 1950 custom and Ranger. Just look at it. I always imagine myself behind the wheel of one of these by the end of high school, but I could never see it. Sadly, I'm not too much of a car buff and my parents wernt willing to fund an expensive hobby :P

Number Four:
Oldsmobile 88
Make: 1948 - 1953

Why: I had seen one of these advertised in the SF Chronicle for a low price of 4000 dollars. Black, stick and in mint condition. These cars were truly amazing. One of the firsts to include hydramatic drive and I think the 88s had the Oldsmobile Rocket engines as well. But none the less, the 88's were certainly beasts to be reckoned with

Number three:
Austin Seven
Model: Chummy, Hardtop, pickup, Saloon, Ulster

Why: Just look at it. It's the Ford T equivilent of england. They were small and cute as hell. Imagine being able for you and 3 friends to be able to pick up such a small car. The chummy, I really like because of the open top. Imagine driving about in that. It would be sooo cool. It's not exactly a chick magnet, but it gets curb appeal.

Number two:
Citro├źn Traction Avant

Why: Damn Sexy Car!

And number one:
Hudson Hornet
Model: 1951 - 1952

Why: I kinda fell in love with the 1951 Model partially due to cars, but also due to the lore of the amazing handling of the car and the fact that it's one of the most influential stock cars of the Nascar eras.

So thats it. That's my list. One day, I'm going to try and get a hudson Hornet and paint it like the Fabulous Hornets of the 1950s. Twin H Power all the way!

The many faces of Zach

So folks, that's me then. Pretty nice looking guy for my age eh?

Well, I found this one pretty cool morphamajig online today through cynical-c and I thought I'd give it a try. And first, I just had to see what I would grow up to look like.

Finding out that you're going to grow up and look like that makes one not wish to group at all.

Of course, I just had to see myself as an indian sub continental person

White Zach.

Now the following, wernt too interesting and pretty put my face behind art. Moldihasomething first


Manga Me looks kinda cool

And one cannot leave out El Greco Zach

February 01, 2007

Beeatch behind the Wheel

This woman has no idea how to drive at corners. And I can tell. She only looked at one way. I know she wouldnt look over so I stood on the corner and waited for her to turn. Once she did, she still didnt look in my direction. She still was focused on the other side of the street. Talk about ditsy.

The Man of La Temper and the bum of Seville

I ride the bus Alot. I mean I ride it so fucking much, you could say I've spent at least 1/12th of my life en transit. But today was rather interesting. So, I had decided to leave school at about 3:30 and work my way to the stop where I got on the bus with Ehren. But the thing is, the bus is nearly crowded and I work my way over to the exit well and stand there. But by the time the bus leaves south shore, it's filled with all these ghetto people who think talking anally and dancing in a crowded area is ok because they're cool. This one kid starts jumping around trying to dance to music, (imho, he wasn't dancing. I've seen monkeys scratching their asses which seemed more convincing). But he bumps into this old looking guy and an even older looking person, and the old guy is pretty annoyed that he's being jostled by the stupid kid that's jumping about. But the bus by then at RDJ and Island. And by now, the older guy is fed up and banging his cane about yelling. "Fucking god damn ass hole punk kids" as like a file of 20 "ghetto" students jostle their way out. And I feel for this guy, all these kids are dressed virtually the same and there's no difference in them other than that one is white and that's about it. By the next stop, he's getting even more fed up and starts telling everyone that they are a bunch of frigging punks. And finally, at his stop, he kicked the shoe of the kid who jostled the guy next to him and this 8th grader-esque kid just sticks his head out the door and yells at the old man. "YOU MOTHER FUCKER! YOU SCUFFED MY SHOE!" and he pushes an old lady over and stares at his shoe and goes, "no wait, 's good". I mean, god damn, these kids. This quote and quote culture that is the new way, the hip way to do this, middle schoolers suck it up like coke on Tony Montana's desk. Apparently in middle school, you're either with it or you're not cool. And the cool was to wear big sweatshirt, fur hoodie, and the new era hat. I'm ok with that, but it's too soon. Alameda winds up being more ghetto than it ever should be. When I was a lion, there was a very mixed group of cool and normal. Not like today, cool and dork. With cool and normal, that kinda evolved into many groups including the high school counter culture revolution. Oh about that, as a Lion, I never saw a single kid dressed as a goth except for one or two. But when I walk by, there's like 085y293y5298 of them. A completely new clique had exploded and everyone knows how middle schoolers are likely to absorb the culture presented in music. But back to my story. And we come upon our new hero. The bum of Seville. I swear, this man was drunk to the teeth. The driver stopped the bus knowingly that bums usually dont travel on buses through Bay Farm. So she questioned him.
"Sir, where are you going"
At this point, it took him an eternity to answer and everyone in the bus was staring at him.
"um, uh... well... fr-fruitvale... oakpard"
"Fruitvale sir?"
Another eternal pause
"Uh..... well... yeah."
"This bus isint going that way. You have to get on the other bus going the other way."
He didnt say a thing. He continued to sit there. And the driver drove on. That explains it come to think about it. There was a nasty ass pee smell on the bus. Couldnt tell what it was. At first, I thought it was the fatty that got off at south shore. I mean Towne centare 64. (sounds like a space station). But I guess that pee smell was the bum. People didnt seem to realize it either.