January 24, 2008

Absolut Bullhonkey


So the intelligent design people as well as the christian fundamentalists tried to explain, to us obvious stupid people, the true meaning of the Flying Spagetti Monster. He obviously can believe, that people who have been touched by his noodley appendage, that for some strange reason, a salad can murder someone.

January 21, 2008


I sat in the corner, with my laptop. There wasn't much else to do you know. When the rest of them had fun things to do, I sat here doing... not much.

What could I possibly do? Everyone else had fun things to do. I didn't.


January 20, 2008

"Night Out"

A short story by me. In lieu of my shitty stories about the guy, girl and Faulkner.

Well... not quite the same people.

I stood in front of the dresser mirror. As clean cut as I was, I still looked slightly "ragged" as my friends described me. I had graduated from Ibsen college with a degree in Chemical Engineering and a fine lot that did me. I got work at Ebmud working as a rendering plant engineer. I had dreams of working something much more exotic such as working for NASA or even concrete. I had a passion for concrete for some reason. But anyhow, I might as well have made the most of looking shaggy. A little bit of hair gel, ruffling my hair and putting on my fur lined coat. I looked like a lumberjack. Apart from the gel of course.

It wasn't much of a night out to be honest. It was just me and a couple buddies heading up to a bar in cow hollow. This wasn't like most bars. The ones you see with the rock band in one corner and the gross looking fellow working at the bar. It was the kind of bar where there was a jazz band playing, there were chairs and low tables everywhere. We took one by the curtains and I had a beer. Well, a guinness. Something to keep me entertained while my buddies would chug down shots.

The band played Straight no Chaser when she entered. She had come with her friends. Her friends seemed like young college friends all, using her to get drinks. They wore Ugg boots except for her. A sign of maturity I thought. After she had paid for their drinks, they scurried off to the nearest man hunk in the lounge. She stood alone at the bar, a cosmo barely new in her hands. I stood and walked over to her and leaned on the counter.

"They'll always be teenage girls no?" I said.
"They're my Sorority sisters. They begged me and I guess I caved in. They're all freshmen. Stupid girls."
"I suppose. So you're still in college?"
"Yea. I'm getting my bachelors in Chemical engineering. Some major for a girl eh?" She turned away for a second.
"You know, I'm a chemical engineer too."
She wheeled around. "Are you really?"
"What's life after like?"
"Well, I figured you've graduated. Right?"
"Yeah. Ibsen college. I just got out a half a year ago."
"Ibsen. Nerdy school."
"Har har."
"That's nothing. I'm at Altarra. The nerdiest all girls college. The only thing keeping me sane is the sorority."
"Heh. All girls college. That sounds funny."
"How so?" Her lips pursed a little. Almost in a pout.
"I dunno." I shrugged my shoulders a little. "I guess growing up and going to a school with boys and girls..." I cut off my sentence there.
"Tsch..." She looked at me. "so tell me Mr. two gender school. What do you do?"
"I work as a rendering plant worker. Well, i'm the chief engineer. Most of the time, i'm in my office, doing work and paperwork."
"Gosh, look my life has become. A sewage worker."
"I take resent to that you know. What do you expect to get out of working as a Chem E?"
"I dunno... NASA?"
"Hah. I had that dream too."

Our conversation went on for another hour. I found her name was Jessie and she apparently loved chocolate alot. So much, she had one of her ex'es cast his *ahem* well, yeah then made one out of the aforementioned foodstuff. I had turned back and to my surprise, my buddies had left the bar without my notice and her sisters had done the same. I offered to walk her home but she declined. I was almost dejected and made the offer to wait with her for her bus. She wasn't wearing much, other than her shortsleeve blouse top and skirt. Not at all suited for the weather here in the city. I handed her my coat. She almost whimpered when she found that it was lined in fur. I asked her what the matter was, she only looked at me and said: "nothing". I stood away from her, and without warning, she walked over and put her arms around me. "Woah" I said. She looked up. She looked at me almost like she was saying: what's the problem? I shook my head and looked over her head. Not wanting to be an idiot, I put my arm over her and she kissed my chest. I presented her in my hands.

"What's going on?" I asked?
"Its just... You're the first one to... You're the first guy i've been with in awhile. That story about the chocolate thing. I made it up. I thought guys were into that weird kinky shit."
I just shook my head again and said no no. She asked another question.
"Do you object to my head on your body? You're alot warmer than the jacket is."
"Sure. Go ahead." I knew she was lying. My coat was the warmest coat I owned.

The tram had pulled up. I asked her, if she was going to get on. She only buried her face deeper into my chest and shook it. I took it for a no.

"You know, I have work, and you got class."
"Dont care. We still have 8 hours before its time for class."
"Stop. Look, I hardly know you."
"Doesnt matter, you know more about me than any of my ex'es did."
I looked off to the side. "Look. I live right here. Your campus is on the other side of town."
"Class can be missed. All I have tomorrow is just a lecture I can see online."
"Fine. Its your career."

I had taken her back to my place. A little apartment in an old building on Van Kugelen St. It was a few blocks away. She held onto the right arm and didn't let go. I chuckled at the thought. I gave her a blanket and a pillow and a place on the couch. I closed my door and went to sleep. It didn't help much that a girl who was pretty and just my type too in my house. On my couch. The lights from the cars casted shadows onto the ceiling and I couldn't fall asleep. I heard the door crack open. It was Jessie trying to sneak in. I pretended to be asleep and she crawled into the sheets with me. She gave a little poke to my ribs. I pretended not to notice. She kissed my forehead, again I tried not to notice, but I couldn't help but pull out a slight grin. I dont know what made her do what she did next, but then I opened my eyes. I couldn't stand it any longer. I pulled her head from underneath the blankets.

"Look. We only met. Slow down. We've got time."
"Ohh... I love how you use the word 'we'."
"Oh well... I uh..."
"Shhhh... lets go to sleep."

I couldn't argue with that. When I woke up, she was still there. Her skirt rumpled and her hair mussy like. I was dressing for work when she stirred.

"Hello there."
"Hello Jessie."
"What time is it?"
"Time for me to work. Look, just close the door on your way out, my number is on the table. And well, now you know where I live."
"Did we do it last night?"
"Are you sure? I hope you did."
"Stop that. No."

She stood again. Grabbed my tie and pulled it off. I didn't quite know where this would go. I thought I had made it clear last night. Her lips pressed against mine. My hands relaxed and pressed against the dresser.

"Sffomtop" I muttered through her mouth. She pulled back. "Look. We haven't even known each other for 24 hours and already, look where you're at.
"So?" She climbed onto my bed and tried to look sexy. Problem was, it was to me.
"Look. You can stay. Just dont go out. I dont have a spare key. So. If you stay, we can get dinner or something. Maybe some take out. Who knows?"
"Fine." She hid herself under the covers and she went to sleep. Or tried to. I smiled as I readjusted my tie.

I came back to my place and found her still curled under the sheets. At least she was real I thought. I tried to gently wake her but she just slapped my hand back. She quickly wheeled around and stared at my face.

"You look cute in your business suit."
"Thanks. Its just an old suit."
"It *heh* suits you."

It was a bad joke, but you could appreciate it. Sort of. We had a quiet dinner and I got to know more about her. She had never contacted her sorority sisters since last night and they didn't make the effort. My friends sobered up to me at work telling me, seeing me with a girl rather than a magazine or book, they left to make sure things worked. Heh. Its funny how the fates collide with each other. In my case, how everything falls into a really weird shaped puzzle assisted by your friends and some random freshmen sorority girls.

January 18, 2008

Everybody's pin numbers!


January 08, 2008

The World's Most Brilliant Idea

I've always wanted to do this. I know some of you have as well. When we go there, we always think, man, this place would really be awesome to stay at. That's right. I'm talking about Ikea. For those of you who have no idea what Ikea is, its a giant scandanavian based furniture store that exist all over the United States. when finally, One person finally had the idea, guts to ask to live there.

Its the same Mark who went to 151 starbucks in one day. Only in NY. Now he's living in Ikea from the 7th to the 12th of January. So he'll keep us all abreast of goings ons there.