May 14, 2007

As you like it

Most of you know by now at least, that I'm a big Cal person. I'm a bear at heart. And I hopefully stay that way. But If there's anything I hate more than Stanfurd/Stanturd is the USC band. Now those are a bunch of jerks who hire people to play with them. Psh.

One year, Cal Band owned USC band with hecka tubas and the world's largest sousaphone. But I digress. The real purpose was to lead up to the awesome joke. But yeah. I really wonder what stirs this competition between schools? The desire to be best? How absurd. I guess that's how it is when my school is so vain. Oh, we must get test scores up, oh we must have every single senior taking an AP class, Oh we must get top scores on Star tests. Oh we gotta fix the pee-pees cause they scare visitors. Everything is true. I remember attending three graduations in my four years there. One of them was under the administration of a wonderful woman. Ms. Sheratt. She knew how to do things. Hardly ever did she mention scores or anything so silly. She only mentioned how she was proud of the graduating class. Under Janvier's Administration, I recall at the last graduation, all he mentioned was the high acceptance rate into UC Berkeley and all the really super duper high scores on AP tests and the SATs and STARs.

To quote a mangled Vonnegut: Why dont you take a flying fuck at the AP TESTS?!!!?!?

Anyways. I'll probably nod off during my graduation. With the entire brain trust standing there in yellow and white ceremonial robes. *scoff* What hideous colors. Even if they are the school colors... You can see right through the white robes and only the ladies wear them. The yellow robes are just an eyesore. Whatever happened to wearing only black robes like in colleges and other normal schools?

Before somebody blond attacks me for my inaccuracies about my school, I'd like to thank Mom and Pop, Miss Jami and my Uncle Ross for all they've done for me to get into UC Berkeley.

And now, the topper.

A Cal student and a Stanford student are both using the men's room.
When they finish their business, the Cal student heads for the door, while the
Stanford student heads for the sink. The Stanford students calls to the Cal student, "At
Stanford, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom"
The Cal student replies nonchalantly, "At Cal, they teach us not to pee on our hands."

2 comments:

newnorth said...

cool, congrats on everything! I think all schools suck but what can you do

...and one thing, please tell me you do wash your hands ;)

Melbert said...

I remember that graduation speech. Joe was so pissed off. I laughed. I'm going to have to start saving my money (aka not immediately spending it on cds at amoeba) because I promised Stephanie I'd give her lotsa flowers and chocolate at graduation. You should do likewise. You keep quoting Vonnegut. I <3 Vonnegut. Anyways this whole Cal vs. Stanford thing has officially lost all meaning for me. And I'm not just saying that because I'm going to Stanford Jazz Camp. (hehehe! so excited!)