March 02, 2007

Two open letters today:

Dear black girl on the bus seat behind me,

Beyond all physical doubt, you have singlehandedly made yourself apparent as the most loudest and annoying person ever. You're on the damn bus, no one else is talking, yet you talk as if you're sitting next to a hemi block engine on full rev. I made a failed attempt to increase the volume of my mp3 player while on the bus, but somehow, you managed to tune out the Rammestein song I was listening to. I applaud you and give you the finger at the same time. I just spent a stressful day at school, waiting to go to piano lessons and you and your friends just waltz right on and sit right behind me. I didnt take any notice, until you opened your mouth. Whenever you talked, you seem to manage to cause my ears to just vibrate violently I had the urge to stand up and yell at you to shut up, but I only could imagine what would happen. Lets see how well you'd do:

Question: If I were to suddenly to stand up in my seat and start yelling at you, what would you do?

A. Ignore me
B. Go: "Nu uh... you did not just dooo that!"
C. Ignore me because your piercing voice is causing all the windows to break simultaneously

If you guessed "B", thats what I was thinking too. But lucky for me, My stop was only two after where you got on. So from this point on, I heartily recommend wearing a gag at the same time, but I doubt it'd be much use since you gaping black hole of a mouth would just suck it down instantly and never be seen.

Yours,
Z

Dear Idiot who uses feet instead,

You are a moron. Did you know that? Or do I have to show you? When I followed you out of the library and to first period, I noticed you had just kicked the door of the library open with your feet. Also, I noticed you had your hands in that giant poofy jacket of yours. What, are your hands not designed for work? Are you saving them to show off in a rap video? Hm? Well let me bring you the harsh reality of what's to be.

1. Ditch the jacket, you're not fooling anyone with it
2. You have a low chance of ever becoming a musician or rap artist. If you can even call them artists...
3. Chances are, you spend more time listening to, and thinking about making beats. But you never do get round to it
4. If you actually do manage to get round to it, too bad, because I know you wont fork out the money to buy studio equipment, so my best guess would be that you just ripped music clips from other successful pieces of music.
5. By spending your money on shoes, you have invariably just cut off your head before going off to college. If you even go you moron.

"But wait, if I ditch that, i'm not cool. I'm not showing off my individuality." you may say.

Individuality my crack. You dress like every other two people I bump into or avoid at school. This so called individuality of yours means you just spend 100 dollars on a sweatshirt that you'll only wear on occasion cause it's your expensive threads and you only wear it on special occasions. Let me give you some news about how I dress. Granted, I like to wear nice things, but I wear those on special occasions, and they're meant for special occasions. Like it's intended in the title. SWEAT shirt. SWEAT SHIRT! Originally, hoodies were for people who used to train and run through the cold. But somehow, in the last 3 years, wearing a hooded shirt has become quote and quote formal. Has the world gone mad? Has fashion sense really been flushed down the toilet? Thank god for the metrosexuals, and the gay community. Oh also, the community with common sense. IE people who are normal. Also, who picked out your sweatshirt? Honestly, lime green with multicolored blobs which resemble racoons but are poorly drawn? Are you color blind? Or actually blind? So let me tell you straight from this point. If you ever hope to get anywhere, actually be an individual and not like every other "individual".

So here's the lay down in short words.

1. If you don't do as I say, you'll most likely end up serving my burgers from a little drive thru window at the Mickey D's at south shore.
2. If you dont find fast food service appealing, you can always be a mechanic. Sure you'll get to play with cars, but you'll always be fixing someone else's car and you'll never get to drive it except for backing it in and out of the auto shop. If I even let you.
3. If you dont like either of those two options, you always could become a gangster, count your bundle of hundred dollar bills (but you dont have any since you dont have a job and suck at rapping), with your fine looking ladies (but they wont cling on since you've spent more money on your car and clothes than on them) and lounge about on your mother's tiny porch in some smoggy LA suburb.

But I digress to the extreme. By using your feet, you create a loud noise of your 200 dollar useless shoes slamming the metal bars against the frame. You're in the school library. Libraries are quiet. So what's your intention of making noise? To be the biggest jackass there ever was? Well you won it! By the way, what's the matter with your hands hm? I'll only accept the following two responses: 1. I have no hands, or 2. My hands are paralyzed in that position. But it seems you had them in that stupid jacket of yours. Also, I admire your common courtesey. When you walked out, you had to avoid the door from closing on you. I dunno, I think its just rude to avoid doing work and causing others to jam up just to open the door. So Mr. Bigshot, F U

Yours,
Z

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