August 18, 2006

breakdown

Now it happens... 12 years after his death that I start to cry. Thinking about it, and talking about it... I'm ashamed of myself. I was excited to be riding in a limo, not knowing that everyone else was in grief over the death of my grandfather... At that time, I was young and barely was in touch with my feelings. I'd only cry when I'd get hurt, but not when someone died. I still had no idea what dying meant...

Today was rather depressing... Talking with some people out in Penn., about the death of her fiance/boy friend and how he was shot. The drugs killed him. Then I start talking with Kim to find out that their cats are being kicked out and might be put down... I start talking with her and talk about my grandfather... Before I did, I wasnt sure what direction to move in... I start to cry, a little at a time then I just broke down. Holding in the feelings living my life with only one grandfather... not cool. No one should ever lose a loved one to lung cancer, but that's their style of life. To date, I believe he should be about... 85... I cant go on...

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