Lets take a metaphorical example, take you and time and tweak it. You have now been thrown forward, into the future... TEN WHOLE MINUTES.
Studious as you are, you may have found a seat in the Engineering or Architecture library at your school and discovered it to be a wormhole. Scientists argue that Worm holes are gaps between two spaces in the time fabric that link two periods together. Fact of the matter is, that once it enters, we never hear of it again. Probably because they've entered one that sends then back to when time was just beginning. Now who ever imagined that radio waves could travel through worm holes. It cant. I digress. Your library seat is a worm hole. You travel into the future and you look about. No degrees of destruction, apocalyptic fear or mass amounts of republicans surround you. You wonder what has happened. The display on your computer indicates its 10 minutes past since you've sat down. You realize what just happened. You have traveled into the future. TEN WHOLE MINUTES.
1. Chances are, when you traveled or existed outside of the current time fabric, you thought it funny to make a lot of noise. Fart sounds, armpit gasps, real farts, belches, alphabelching, and lots of other annoying things. But what you dont realize, your body is existing in the same place, but outside of its physical realm. So all that noise you're making in space. Yeah, everyone heard it. So your best bet, when you go through and return, apologize. And another thing, cosmic farts stink really badly, so dont.
2. In the ten minutes you didn't exist. Someone may have stolen your computer. So be sure that before you sit down, lock your computer and hide your mouse. You cant trust them shifty engineers.
3. Do not panic. Sure someone else has taken the journal you were using, but for good reason. You weren't there to use it so I needed it and took it. Plain as plain cheese.
4. If you've ever dealt with cosmic particles, they may have screwed around with your hairdo. But that's ok, you're in a library. Extra points if you're in the engineering one. For that matter, everyone looks bad there.
So if you hadn't figured it out, I am sitting in the Engineering library as I write this. So anyways, be careful, what you do to the future... will affect uh.. the future. So there we have it. And happy time travelling!
Showing posts with label survive 10 minutes into the future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label survive 10 minutes into the future. Show all posts
December 01, 2008
December 28, 2007
Surviving 10 minutes into the future: Holidays
Let's take a metaphorical example. Then tweak it. You've been thrown into the future. TEN WHOLE MINUTES.
So at this point you're wondering. What possible other situations can we go through. Well, As a college student, you'll have more situations than old highschool self. So right now, we're going to cover the survival guide for 10 minute jumps in your holidays.
Surviving through Christmas:
1. If you've somehow managed to wind up at a party, good for you. 10 minute jumps are pretty common at this point. I'd be pretty safe and sure that what you're experiencing is drunkenness. So lucky for you. You wont remember a damn thing that night. Unless you somehow wind up in some totally awesome or strange situations. Lets mete Dave. he's a student at CSU Hayward. (I know its not called that nymore, but I dont care. I still call it what I want to call it. I'm stubborn that way :D) Ok. So Dave is at his friend's party. Dave is at Kate's party and and he's intoxicated. Obviously. Let's watch.
Dave: Kaaaaate! Great super fun-tastic part.
Kyle: I'm Kyle dude.
D: Oh. Sory KAAAAATE!!!!1!
Kate: Oh hey d-dave. How are you?
D: Totally kick ass man.
K: I see you found the booze. That was locked in my parent's cabinet.
D: Totally
*time quirk*
D: wha?
K: that was the worst sex ever. never ever ever call me again!
So what went wrong there? Obviously, Dave's endowment wasn't large enough. But then again, you gotta play your actions and times just right.
D: Hey man, how's things?
Kyle: Cool, Kate throws pretty nice bashes. Hey. Kate's parents keep a ton of booze stashed in a glass cabinet in the office. Wanna go punch it in and get really started up?
D: Nah i'm cool
*time quirk*
D: bwah?
*In a kegstand*
D: Woooooo! *beer shoots out from everywhere*
Kyle: Damn Dave!
*time quirk again*
kate: Best sex ever!
So you gotta play your cards just right.
2. The inevitable Family Get together. Meet Maurice. He's just come home from college. He's going to have to sit through conversations with his relatives and on and on and on. But play into a time quirk correctly, it can be good. Make sure, you always have a rebound excuse if you're suddenly pulled into a trap.
Maurice: So uncle Dave, how are you
UD: I'm good. How's school.
M: not bad
UD: Good. I hope your grades are up
M: They are
UD: When I was there at Vartonol U, I used to hang out at...
*time quirk*
UD: So do you recall any sort of place called the pink pussy?
M: Only on weekends.
UD: Hahah! Good lad. Here's a beer.
Surviving through Ethnic Holidays
As I celebrate neither ethnic holidays usually celebrated around this time of year, I wont go into too much detail.
*time quirk*
And that's what you call a triple kwanza shot.
So in a nutshell, that's all that it is. Merry christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy whatever else, and Happy New years! So have a good one time travellers. I'm your blogger, Czach
So at this point you're wondering. What possible other situations can we go through. Well, As a college student, you'll have more situations than old highschool self. So right now, we're going to cover the survival guide for 10 minute jumps in your holidays.
Surviving through Christmas:
1. If you've somehow managed to wind up at a party, good for you. 10 minute jumps are pretty common at this point. I'd be pretty safe and sure that what you're experiencing is drunkenness. So lucky for you. You wont remember a damn thing that night. Unless you somehow wind up in some totally awesome or strange situations. Lets mete Dave. he's a student at CSU Hayward. (I know its not called that nymore, but I dont care. I still call it what I want to call it. I'm stubborn that way :D) Ok. So Dave is at his friend's party. Dave is at Kate's party and and he's intoxicated. Obviously. Let's watch.
Dave: Kaaaaate! Great super fun-tastic part.
Kyle: I'm Kyle dude.
D: Oh. Sory KAAAAATE!!!!1!
Kate: Oh hey d-dave. How are you?
D: Totally kick ass man.
K: I see you found the booze. That was locked in my parent's cabinet.
D: Totally
*time quirk*
D: wha?
K: that was the worst sex ever. never ever ever call me again!
So what went wrong there? Obviously, Dave's endowment wasn't large enough. But then again, you gotta play your actions and times just right.
D: Hey man, how's things?
Kyle: Cool, Kate throws pretty nice bashes. Hey. Kate's parents keep a ton of booze stashed in a glass cabinet in the office. Wanna go punch it in and get really started up?
D: Nah i'm cool
*time quirk*
D: bwah?
*In a kegstand*
D: Woooooo! *beer shoots out from everywhere*
Kyle: Damn Dave!
*time quirk again*
kate: Best sex ever!
So you gotta play your cards just right.
2. The inevitable Family Get together. Meet Maurice. He's just come home from college. He's going to have to sit through conversations with his relatives and on and on and on. But play into a time quirk correctly, it can be good. Make sure, you always have a rebound excuse if you're suddenly pulled into a trap.
Maurice: So uncle Dave, how are you
UD: I'm good. How's school.
M: not bad
UD: Good. I hope your grades are up
M: They are
UD: When I was there at Vartonol U, I used to hang out at...
*time quirk*
UD: So do you recall any sort of place called the pink pussy?
M: Only on weekends.
UD: Hahah! Good lad. Here's a beer.
Surviving through Ethnic Holidays
As I celebrate neither ethnic holidays usually celebrated around this time of year, I wont go into too much detail.
*time quirk*
And that's what you call a triple kwanza shot.
So in a nutshell, that's all that it is. Merry christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy whatever else, and Happy New years! So have a good one time travellers. I'm your blogger, Czach
November 13, 2007
How to survive 10 mintues into the future: Lectures
Lets take a metaphorical example, take you and time and tweak it. You have now been thrown forward, into the future... TEN WHOLE MINUTES
Lets take a metaphorical example. Meet Fred. He's your average chemistry student at Vanderbilt college. Sitting through a lecture on molecular structures of organic compounds, he suddenly feels very strange. Very very very strange. At this point, he has transversed across space. Space time and jelly beans as we know it. He has travelled... ten minutes. Into the future!!
First, dont panic. That's what your future 10 minutes from now friends expect. Or maybe it isn't. But other than that, we really wont know how anyone in the future will react. What this article will help you, is to deal with the ten minutes of the future. And today, we'll deal with the lecture.
Step one: Dont panic, you've done the reading
As long as you've done it. If you know what I mean. Ok. So if the conversation suddenly jumps into a totally new section, one of two things will happen. I can guarantee it. You'll either understand the conversation, or you'll have absolutely no idea what the hell they're talking about. The first situation is thanks to: Reading before class! The second situation is a result of *ominous music* not reading the night before! So here's an example of what is likely to happen. So let's go look in on Fred.
(Fred read the night before)
GSI: So class, Janick states that the mind is a quagmire that cannot comprehend new data in a modular form.
Bill: But then that contradicts Usther's theorem that any new data is comprehended over a slow period.
Fred: But then Usther is recgonized by the catholic as well as the american psychological society as a radicalist and cannot comprehend the actual details of a working mind
*time quirk*
GSI: So if Usther and Janick met, the consequential algorithm would be in such a cataclysmal manner that the necessary hereditary abilities would be lost.
Fred: But then, what if they were to cross paths without meeting would the resulting experience might eliminate the possibilities of apathy.
GSI: Very good. Have some candy.
(Fred didn't read the night before)
GSI: So if you induce an pulating and repeating force, the amplitude of the wave effect on the tensile string will result in a parallel shift.
Will: What would be the effect of the quantum parables on the system?
Fred: Well, the effect would result in the creation of excessive amounts of force on the outer limits of the system
Will: Ahhh i get it.
*time quirk*
Will: So what would the be the the degrheteryan mode of the paranormal shift in the case of oscillating phalluses?
GSI: Well the quantum phose shift will result in the creation of multiple parables that create a modular quangular delanger on the freschon. The quarbled deton of the mischav will multifrange the descalanator. Fred, what's the resultant of the dilution?
Fred: fuck!
(*I know for the sake of you college students, I made up at least half the words used by the GSI in the second situation)
Step two: Ask questions to make it seem like nothing happened
Even if you dont have any idea what class you're in, still ask questions that are broad and generic. It works everywhere. Trust me. Advanced linear analytical calculus? No problem. Material Science Engineering analysis on stone frequencies? No problem! Taxidermy 101? Works like a charm. So let's put Fred in our little situation.
In Math Class
*fred wakes up*
GSI: Mr. Wilton, Is there a question you have?
Fred: Yes, can you apply this to the homework?
GSI: *taken aback* Uh, sure. You put this over here
*does homework problem*
Fred: *copies homework then turns it in*
In Physics Lecture
Professor: Mr. Wilton!
*Fred wakes up*
Fred: Yes, I was awake
Prof: Then ask me a question *smug look*
Fred: In what way does can the problem be applied in real life?
Prof: Uh... it cant. It exists only in perfect systems.
Fred: So are you calling me a failure?
Prof: No! Of course not
Fred: Fine, i'm leaving I need to see my psychiatrist.
*walks out of lecture hall, and walks to bar*
In Taxidermy 101
GSI: Mr. Wilton...
Fred: *snore*
GSI: *pokes Fred with a taxidermy pin
Fred: yeow! What was that for.
GSI: Sleeping
Fred: No I wasnt...
GSI: So ask me a question relating to the chapter
Fred: Can we apply the technique to things that require constant moisture?
GSI: Uh, the technique of cross stitching can in fact be applied to large sport fish, but not small trout and fish like that.
Fred: *pretends to write it down* Thanks GSI
Step three: steal notes
Does it really seem that illogical to steal someone's notes? Of course not. Not when your booty is on the line. At this point, you're going to either take a pen scanner and scan everything and read it over later. In the mean time, sleep through the rest of the lecture. When you go home, upload the file you scanned with your pen scanner. Got it there on your desktop? Good. Now delete it. Hah, as if you've ever need them before. You're a one man test wrecking machine!
Step four: Just leave
Its college. Who's going to care if you fail? Other than you and your parents and family and friends and your GSIs and peer advisers. Everyone else wont care. They're your new friends now! Make sure you get me the one girl who doesn't remember your name or face's number. She's totally hot.
So with that in mind, remember. Happy futures mean you did something bad in the past! I'm your blogger, Zach
Lets take a metaphorical example. Meet Fred. He's your average chemistry student at Vanderbilt college. Sitting through a lecture on molecular structures of organic compounds, he suddenly feels very strange. Very very very strange. At this point, he has transversed across space. Space time and jelly beans as we know it. He has travelled... ten minutes. Into the future!!
First, dont panic. That's what your future 10 minutes from now friends expect. Or maybe it isn't. But other than that, we really wont know how anyone in the future will react. What this article will help you, is to deal with the ten minutes of the future. And today, we'll deal with the lecture.
Step one: Dont panic, you've done the reading
As long as you've done it. If you know what I mean. Ok. So if the conversation suddenly jumps into a totally new section, one of two things will happen. I can guarantee it. You'll either understand the conversation, or you'll have absolutely no idea what the hell they're talking about. The first situation is thanks to: Reading before class! The second situation is a result of *ominous music* not reading the night before! So here's an example of what is likely to happen. So let's go look in on Fred.
(Fred read the night before)
GSI: So class, Janick states that the mind is a quagmire that cannot comprehend new data in a modular form.
Bill: But then that contradicts Usther's theorem that any new data is comprehended over a slow period.
Fred: But then Usther is recgonized by the catholic as well as the american psychological society as a radicalist and cannot comprehend the actual details of a working mind
*time quirk*
GSI: So if Usther and Janick met, the consequential algorithm would be in such a cataclysmal manner that the necessary hereditary abilities would be lost.
Fred: But then, what if they were to cross paths without meeting would the resulting experience might eliminate the possibilities of apathy.
GSI: Very good. Have some candy.
(Fred didn't read the night before)
GSI: So if you induce an pulating and repeating force, the amplitude of the wave effect on the tensile string will result in a parallel shift.
Will: What would be the effect of the quantum parables on the system?
Fred: Well, the effect would result in the creation of excessive amounts of force on the outer limits of the system
Will: Ahhh i get it.
*time quirk*
Will: So what would the be the the degrheteryan mode of the paranormal shift in the case of oscillating phalluses?
GSI: Well the quantum phose shift will result in the creation of multiple parables that create a modular quangular delanger on the freschon. The quarbled deton of the mischav will multifrange the descalanator. Fred, what's the resultant of the dilution?
Fred: fuck!
(*I know for the sake of you college students, I made up at least half the words used by the GSI in the second situation)
Step two: Ask questions to make it seem like nothing happened
Even if you dont have any idea what class you're in, still ask questions that are broad and generic. It works everywhere. Trust me. Advanced linear analytical calculus? No problem. Material Science Engineering analysis on stone frequencies? No problem! Taxidermy 101? Works like a charm. So let's put Fred in our little situation.
In Math Class
*fred wakes up*
GSI: Mr. Wilton, Is there a question you have?
Fred: Yes, can you apply this to the homework?
GSI: *taken aback* Uh, sure. You put this over here
*does homework problem*
Fred: *copies homework then turns it in*
In Physics Lecture
Professor: Mr. Wilton!
*Fred wakes up*
Fred: Yes, I was awake
Prof: Then ask me a question *smug look*
Fred: In what way does can the problem be applied in real life?
Prof: Uh... it cant. It exists only in perfect systems.
Fred: So are you calling me a failure?
Prof: No! Of course not
Fred: Fine, i'm leaving I need to see my psychiatrist.
*walks out of lecture hall, and walks to bar*
In Taxidermy 101
GSI: Mr. Wilton...
Fred: *snore*
GSI: *pokes Fred with a taxidermy pin
Fred: yeow! What was that for.
GSI: Sleeping
Fred: No I wasnt...
GSI: So ask me a question relating to the chapter
Fred: Can we apply the technique to things that require constant moisture?
GSI: Uh, the technique of cross stitching can in fact be applied to large sport fish, but not small trout and fish like that.
Fred: *pretends to write it down* Thanks GSI
Step three: steal notes
Does it really seem that illogical to steal someone's notes? Of course not. Not when your booty is on the line. At this point, you're going to either take a pen scanner and scan everything and read it over later. In the mean time, sleep through the rest of the lecture. When you go home, upload the file you scanned with your pen scanner. Got it there on your desktop? Good. Now delete it. Hah, as if you've ever need them before. You're a one man test wrecking machine!
Step four: Just leave
Its college. Who's going to care if you fail? Other than you and your parents and family and friends and your GSIs and peer advisers. Everyone else wont care. They're your new friends now! Make sure you get me the one girl who doesn't remember your name or face's number. She's totally hot.
So with that in mind, remember. Happy futures mean you did something bad in the past! I'm your blogger, Zach
August 06, 2007
Surviving 10 minutes into the future: Dealing with your kids
Lets take a metaphorical example. Take you and tweaking around time. You have been thrown into the future. OMG! But wait. Some things are different, some aren't. But now you look at your watch. You've been thrown into the future. TEN WHOLE MINUTES!
Today's guide is on how to deal with your children. Firstly, you may go, what's the point in this? It'll come in handy if the situation happens. Anyone ever see "Futurama"? The situation is Fry finds his great grandson, professor Farnsworth, who aparently is around 185 or so. And yet, fry is still around 24 or so.
So we need to learn how to deal with our future children.
1. If in the case you do actually have future kids, avoid using period slang of your 10 minutes ago. So lets take the metaphorical situation. Jane has entered a quark. Foosh! 10 minutes ahead into the future. Oh dear god. She's in a new place. The hospital. *pop* here comes the baby. She better not seem like a square to her new son. So avoid 90s talk like, "LETS GET PSYCHED!" Also, avoid giving gifts like: pogs and cases of "SURGE!"
2. If you have a teen, the situation gets a bit worse. You'll be 10 minutes behind, but even 10 minutes ago, you were always at least 20 years behind. So a teen is a gimmie.
3. your adult son: dont bother. They haven't called in the last 10 years.
4. If you somehow meet your grandchild who's older than you somehow in the quark of 10 minutes. The situation is weird. You'd probably have something going on behind your back.
Today's guide is on how to deal with your children. Firstly, you may go, what's the point in this? It'll come in handy if the situation happens. Anyone ever see "Futurama"? The situation is Fry finds his great grandson, professor Farnsworth, who aparently is around 185 or so. And yet, fry is still around 24 or so.
So we need to learn how to deal with our future children.
1. If in the case you do actually have future kids, avoid using period slang of your 10 minutes ago. So lets take the metaphorical situation. Jane has entered a quark. Foosh! 10 minutes ahead into the future. Oh dear god. She's in a new place. The hospital. *pop* here comes the baby. She better not seem like a square to her new son. So avoid 90s talk like, "LETS GET PSYCHED!" Also, avoid giving gifts like: pogs and cases of "SURGE!"
2. If you have a teen, the situation gets a bit worse. You'll be 10 minutes behind, but even 10 minutes ago, you were always at least 20 years behind. So a teen is a gimmie.
3. your adult son: dont bother. They haven't called in the last 10 years.
4. If you somehow meet your grandchild who's older than you somehow in the quark of 10 minutes. The situation is weird. You'd probably have something going on behind your back.
July 27, 2007
Zach's Guide on Surviving 10 minutes into the future: Culture Gap
Lets take a metaphorical example, take you and time and tweak it. You have now been thrown forward, into the future... TEN WHOLE MINUTES.
Good evening readers here from sunny, West coast San Francisco. I dont live there, but I live somewhere near. But anyhow, lets get started on our whole situation. What are you going to do to survive? How will you manage? But today, we focus on the Culture gap of your pre10 minute agoistic culture and the culture of the 10 minutes ahead culture.
Number one: If anyone should ask you if you've heard the new: Djoe or Eaked Album, do what you used to do ten minutes in the past whenever someone mentioned a band you've never heard of. Lie the shit out of your pants. No need to actually know the songs themselves either. Just nod and go: Oh yeah! a lot. You're catching on quickly!
Example: In the 10 minute past:
Bob: Hey man, have you heard the new Radiohead album?
Sara: Um... (contemplates... Who is Radiohead?) Of course. It's totally awesome.
Bob: Good
*time quirk*
Futurebob: Hey man, have you heard the new MxPx album?
Sara: Um... (contemplates... Who is MxPx?) Of course. It's totally awesome.
Futurebob: Boop boop.
Number 2: When anyone asks you to sing along, just BS it. It dont matter if you know the words for sure. Just do what you used to in the past. Mouthing! It makes you look cool, and yet, all you're doing is behaving like a fish! Applies to past songs, future songs and foreign songs.
Example: In the 10 minute past
Bob: Hey Sara, c'mon. Sing "Indigo Tapes" with me!
Sara: *mouths along*
Bob: And I dont know how you got the tape stuck in there! Oooh yeah!
*time quirk*
Futurebob: Hey Sara, c'mon. Sing "Indigenous Tapes" with me!
Sara: *mouths along*
Bob: And I dont know how the abo got into the VCR! Oooh yeah!
*abduction into foreign country*
Roberto: Muey Muey sneiohah, Quong "Indyhgk Tapuu" con mah!
Sara: *mouths along*
Roberto: dugga Dugga dugga! Hoom vah leek do tah!
So maybe that last one wont work so well, but anything is always worth a shot.
Number three: So you've missed the last ten minutes in television. Big deal you think. Of course its a big deal. Look at your watch. What time did you skip? First part of the hour or half hour? You got off lucky. The end of the first half hour or the end of the hour? You're screwed! How will you know what happens on reality TV shows or game shows or your soaps?! Hopefully, if you were smart, you'd tape every single episode on television, stack and correlate the tapes and watch them if you ever experience a time jump. You may look like a crazy person whose home is filled with a million VCR cassette tapes, but at least you'll know who got kicked off the island while you were gone.
Number four: If you were in a club at the time. Lucky you. You've just skipped past 10 minutes of annoying thumping sounds that passes for music in bars. But maybe while you were gone, they started playing a song that was interactive. Like the macarena or the YMCA. Whatever it is 10 minutes into the future and you find yourself in the middle of, get the heck out. Dont be a fool and stand and try to do what everyone else is doing. You'll never make it.
So with that in mind, happy futures means you did something bad in the past! I'm your blogger, Z
Good evening readers here from sunny, West coast San Francisco. I dont live there, but I live somewhere near. But anyhow, lets get started on our whole situation. What are you going to do to survive? How will you manage? But today, we focus on the Culture gap of your pre10 minute agoistic culture and the culture of the 10 minutes ahead culture.
Number one: If anyone should ask you if you've heard the new: Djoe or Eaked Album, do what you used to do ten minutes in the past whenever someone mentioned a band you've never heard of. Lie the shit out of your pants. No need to actually know the songs themselves either. Just nod and go: Oh yeah! a lot. You're catching on quickly!
Example: In the 10 minute past:
Bob: Hey man, have you heard the new Radiohead album?
Sara: Um... (contemplates... Who is Radiohead?) Of course. It's totally awesome.
Bob: Good
*time quirk*
Futurebob: Hey man, have you heard the new MxPx album?
Sara: Um... (contemplates... Who is MxPx?) Of course. It's totally awesome.
Futurebob: Boop boop.
Number 2: When anyone asks you to sing along, just BS it. It dont matter if you know the words for sure. Just do what you used to in the past. Mouthing! It makes you look cool, and yet, all you're doing is behaving like a fish! Applies to past songs, future songs and foreign songs.
Example: In the 10 minute past
Bob: Hey Sara, c'mon. Sing "Indigo Tapes" with me!
Sara: *mouths along*
Bob: And I dont know how you got the tape stuck in there! Oooh yeah!
*time quirk*
Futurebob: Hey Sara, c'mon. Sing "Indigenous Tapes" with me!
Sara: *mouths along*
Bob: And I dont know how the abo got into the VCR! Oooh yeah!
*abduction into foreign country*
Roberto: Muey Muey sneiohah, Quong "Indyhgk Tapuu" con mah!
Sara: *mouths along*
Roberto: dugga Dugga dugga! Hoom vah leek do tah!
So maybe that last one wont work so well, but anything is always worth a shot.
Number three: So you've missed the last ten minutes in television. Big deal you think. Of course its a big deal. Look at your watch. What time did you skip? First part of the hour or half hour? You got off lucky. The end of the first half hour or the end of the hour? You're screwed! How will you know what happens on reality TV shows or game shows or your soaps?! Hopefully, if you were smart, you'd tape every single episode on television, stack and correlate the tapes and watch them if you ever experience a time jump. You may look like a crazy person whose home is filled with a million VCR cassette tapes, but at least you'll know who got kicked off the island while you were gone.
Number four: If you were in a club at the time. Lucky you. You've just skipped past 10 minutes of annoying thumping sounds that passes for music in bars. But maybe while you were gone, they started playing a song that was interactive. Like the macarena or the YMCA. Whatever it is 10 minutes into the future and you find yourself in the middle of, get the heck out. Dont be a fool and stand and try to do what everyone else is doing. You'll never make it.
So with that in mind, happy futures means you did something bad in the past! I'm your blogger, Z
March 08, 2007
Guide to Surviving 10 minutes into the future
Today's post: How to survive the technological changes.
So you're from 10 minutes ago. How will you ever adapt and survive in the advance world of 1o minutes later? Understandably, you'll be sniggered at when you walk by with your 10 minute older razr. You're out of date! And now, you need to get with the know how.
1. Dont bother upgrading. You'll never catch up and "be with the times" as the oldies from 10 minutes ago say. You've bought a brand new Razor phone, and you were sucked into the vortex of 10 minutes and in that time you've passed, your phone has become as viable as a rock with numbers painted on it.
2. Use desperate people's technology. Chances are, they'll be constantly be in touch with every single new innovation in the computing world. So why buy for yourself? when you can Steal!
3. Consider the Amish way of Life. It may sound bad, but yeah.. it is bad. No computers or phones. Not even buttons for your coat. Life sucks if you're Amish.
4. Avoid joining a "anti technology" cult. You'll just end up having your head shaved, your clothes burned and selling jam from the side of a freeway to go to a camp in Utah to be with the supreme one. How we can swallow this crap (jam and the cult) is nothing short of a miracle for the intelligent. Secretly, you'll still have that cell phone or wireless card sewn into your stinky dirty robes.
5. Watch out for the cybergeeks. These guys will ridicule for using old technology. Espically the ones that have become obsolete in the time it took me to write this sentence (30 sec).
Stay tuned for more.
So you're from 10 minutes ago. How will you ever adapt and survive in the advance world of 1o minutes later? Understandably, you'll be sniggered at when you walk by with your 10 minute older razr. You're out of date! And now, you need to get with the know how.
1. Dont bother upgrading. You'll never catch up and "be with the times" as the oldies from 10 minutes ago say. You've bought a brand new Razor phone, and you were sucked into the vortex of 10 minutes and in that time you've passed, your phone has become as viable as a rock with numbers painted on it.
2. Use desperate people's technology. Chances are, they'll be constantly be in touch with every single new innovation in the computing world. So why buy for yourself? when you can Steal!
3. Consider the Amish way of Life. It may sound bad, but yeah.. it is bad. No computers or phones. Not even buttons for your coat. Life sucks if you're Amish.
4. Avoid joining a "anti technology" cult. You'll just end up having your head shaved, your clothes burned and selling jam from the side of a freeway to go to a camp in Utah to be with the supreme one. How we can swallow this crap (jam and the cult) is nothing short of a miracle for the intelligent. Secretly, you'll still have that cell phone or wireless card sewn into your stinky dirty robes.
5. Watch out for the cybergeeks. These guys will ridicule for using old technology. Espically the ones that have become obsolete in the time it took me to write this sentence (30 sec).
Stay tuned for more.
March 02, 2007
Guide to Surviving 10 minutes into the Future
I wanted to do something like puntabulous, so instead of going far into the future, we'll divulge into the very possibility of appearing in the next 10 minutes
Situation. You were walking down the street when all of a sudden, an instantaneous and 2 second vortex/worm hole sucks you in and deposits you 4 blocks away. You calculate where you are and have determined that you are *dramatic music* TEN MINUTES IN THE FUTURE!!!
1. Before all things, dont panic. Panic leads to nasty sweating and sweating means clammy clothes and handshakes. Before panicking, take a moment to freshen up in the nearest public toilet or water fountain.
2. Check your watch. If you really advanced 10 minutes into the future, chances are you watch will indicate that you have. If this is the case, and the minute hand has moved then you best drop your watch off at a watchmaker. The hands moving like that on its own while the crown was still down, you broke your watch in that damn worm hole.
3. Dont worry about what could have happened in those 10 minutes in between you were sucked in and most likely, you might have skipped or avoided something completely dangerous. Unless it was predetermined that you would fall in a tiger pit or something. But don't sweat that. Tigers hate sweat.
4. Dont use the phrase: "Hey! Long time no see!" This applies to people who have and haven't been sucked into the 10 minute worm hole. To the people who have, its not funny. You were only gone from other people's existence for 10 minutes. And for the people who were never sucked into the worm hole, dont say it none the less. It makes you sound stupid.
So that's the first guide to surviving 10 minutes into the future!
Situation. You were walking down the street when all of a sudden, an instantaneous and 2 second vortex/worm hole sucks you in and deposits you 4 blocks away. You calculate where you are and have determined that you are *dramatic music* TEN MINUTES IN THE FUTURE!!!
1. Before all things, dont panic. Panic leads to nasty sweating and sweating means clammy clothes and handshakes. Before panicking, take a moment to freshen up in the nearest public toilet or water fountain.
2. Check your watch. If you really advanced 10 minutes into the future, chances are you watch will indicate that you have. If this is the case, and the minute hand has moved then you best drop your watch off at a watchmaker. The hands moving like that on its own while the crown was still down, you broke your watch in that damn worm hole.
3. Dont worry about what could have happened in those 10 minutes in between you were sucked in and most likely, you might have skipped or avoided something completely dangerous. Unless it was predetermined that you would fall in a tiger pit or something. But don't sweat that. Tigers hate sweat.
4. Dont use the phrase: "Hey! Long time no see!" This applies to people who have and haven't been sucked into the 10 minute worm hole. To the people who have, its not funny. You were only gone from other people's existence for 10 minutes. And for the people who were never sucked into the worm hole, dont say it none the less. It makes you sound stupid.
So that's the first guide to surviving 10 minutes into the future!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)