To the girl who's multitasking on the bus:
I understand how you girls can do all this stuff and do multiple things at the same time, but its disgusting when you do what you were doing on the bus. Almost as annoying as the woman who would jerk her head about to mimic dancing, or concept of following rhythm. But what you did, talk on the phone and clip your nails, you take rudeness to a whole new level. Yeah, we get that you enjoy talking on your phone, but when you talk and clip your nails, its gross. I feel deep sorrow for the person who is on the line who has to listen to your fat assed voice and listen for the click click click of you leaving your DNA all over a brand new bus.
Advice to you, save that for home where it belongs.
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label open letters. Show all posts
May 10, 2007
April 29, 2007
One open letter
To whoever smirks at the panama,
I have a sensible hat. It keeps the sun out of my eyes, it dont get bogged down with heat like a wool cap would. It doesn't give me silly looking hat hair like you beanie folks. And yet you smirk. With your sweaty gloriousness and your funny looking hair. You smirk cause I dress differently. Because I try to pull back a little nostalgia into our lives. Posh tosh. You dont care. You dress exactly the same everyday. T shirt to the knees, Pants down to the backs of your kneees, a pair of boxers and two pairs of basketball shorts. Gotta have that close cropped hair with your two tone stripe and your name engraved in the back of your hair. You look at yourself in the mirror and you look at yourself good. Who's the funny looking one now? The kid who sports the fashion which has been around for decades? Or that new humbly jumbly stuff involving sweatshirts with random ugly designs and tshirts with tin foil stuck to it? Yeah, you look like a bum I saw once in Oakland. I swear to god the thing was wearing a bright orange, purple and green jacket and tinfoil pants. Lord knows you look just like them.
Zach
I have a sensible hat. It keeps the sun out of my eyes, it dont get bogged down with heat like a wool cap would. It doesn't give me silly looking hat hair like you beanie folks. And yet you smirk. With your sweaty gloriousness and your funny looking hair. You smirk cause I dress differently. Because I try to pull back a little nostalgia into our lives. Posh tosh. You dont care. You dress exactly the same everyday. T shirt to the knees, Pants down to the backs of your kneees, a pair of boxers and two pairs of basketball shorts. Gotta have that close cropped hair with your two tone stripe and your name engraved in the back of your hair. You look at yourself in the mirror and you look at yourself good. Who's the funny looking one now? The kid who sports the fashion which has been around for decades? Or that new humbly jumbly stuff involving sweatshirts with random ugly designs and tshirts with tin foil stuck to it? Yeah, you look like a bum I saw once in Oakland. I swear to god the thing was wearing a bright orange, purple and green jacket and tinfoil pants. Lord knows you look just like them.
Zach
March 02, 2007
Two open letters today:
Dear black girl on the bus seat behind me,
Beyond all physical doubt, you have singlehandedly made yourself apparent as the most loudest and annoying person ever. You're on the damn bus, no one else is talking, yet you talk as if you're sitting next to a hemi block engine on full rev. I made a failed attempt to increase the volume of my mp3 player while on the bus, but somehow, you managed to tune out the Rammestein song I was listening to. I applaud you and give you the finger at the same time. I just spent a stressful day at school, waiting to go to piano lessons and you and your friends just waltz right on and sit right behind me. I didnt take any notice, until you opened your mouth. Whenever you talked, you seem to manage to cause my ears to just vibrate violently I had the urge to stand up and yell at you to shut up, but I only could imagine what would happen. Lets see how well you'd do:
Question: If I were to suddenly to stand up in my seat and start yelling at you, what would you do?
A. Ignore me
B. Go: "Nu uh... you did not just dooo that!"
C. Ignore me because your piercing voice is causing all the windows to break simultaneously
If you guessed "B", thats what I was thinking too. But lucky for me, My stop was only two after where you got on. So from this point on, I heartily recommend wearing a gag at the same time, but I doubt it'd be much use since you gaping black hole of a mouth would just suck it down instantly and never be seen.
Yours,
Z
Dear Idiot who uses feet instead,
You are a moron. Did you know that? Or do I have to show you? When I followed you out of the library and to first period, I noticed you had just kicked the door of the library open with your feet. Also, I noticed you had your hands in that giant poofy jacket of yours. What, are your hands not designed for work? Are you saving them to show off in a rap video? Hm? Well let me bring you the harsh reality of what's to be.
1. Ditch the jacket, you're not fooling anyone with it
2. You have a low chance of ever becoming a musician or rap artist. If you can even call them artists...
3. Chances are, you spend more time listening to, and thinking about making beats. But you never do get round to it
4. If you actually do manage to get round to it, too bad, because I know you wont fork out the money to buy studio equipment, so my best guess would be that you just ripped music clips from other successful pieces of music.
5. By spending your money on shoes, you have invariably just cut off your head before going off to college. If you even go you moron.
"But wait, if I ditch that, i'm not cool. I'm not showing off my individuality." you may say.
Individuality my crack. You dress like every other two people I bump into or avoid at school. This so called individuality of yours means you just spend 100 dollars on a sweatshirt that you'll only wear on occasion cause it's your expensive threads and you only wear it on special occasions. Let me give you some news about how I dress. Granted, I like to wear nice things, but I wear those on special occasions, and they're meant for special occasions. Like it's intended in the title. SWEAT shirt. SWEAT SHIRT! Originally, hoodies were for people who used to train and run through the cold. But somehow, in the last 3 years, wearing a hooded shirt has become quote and quote formal. Has the world gone mad? Has fashion sense really been flushed down the toilet? Thank god for the metrosexuals, and the gay community. Oh also, the community with common sense. IE people who are normal. Also, who picked out your sweatshirt? Honestly, lime green with multicolored blobs which resemble racoons but are poorly drawn? Are you color blind? Or actually blind? So let me tell you straight from this point. If you ever hope to get anywhere, actually be an individual and not like every other "individual".
So here's the lay down in short words.
1. If you don't do as I say, you'll most likely end up serving my burgers from a little drive thru window at the Mickey D's at south shore.
2. If you dont find fast food service appealing, you can always be a mechanic. Sure you'll get to play with cars, but you'll always be fixing someone else's car and you'll never get to drive it except for backing it in and out of the auto shop. If I even let you.
3. If you dont like either of those two options, you always could become a gangster, count your bundle of hundred dollar bills (but you dont have any since you dont have a job and suck at rapping), with your fine looking ladies (but they wont cling on since you've spent more money on your car and clothes than on them) and lounge about on your mother's tiny porch in some smoggy LA suburb.
But I digress to the extreme. By using your feet, you create a loud noise of your 200 dollar useless shoes slamming the metal bars against the frame. You're in the school library. Libraries are quiet. So what's your intention of making noise? To be the biggest jackass there ever was? Well you won it! By the way, what's the matter with your hands hm? I'll only accept the following two responses: 1. I have no hands, or 2. My hands are paralyzed in that position. But it seems you had them in that stupid jacket of yours. Also, I admire your common courtesey. When you walked out, you had to avoid the door from closing on you. I dunno, I think its just rude to avoid doing work and causing others to jam up just to open the door. So Mr. Bigshot, F U
Yours,
Z
Beyond all physical doubt, you have singlehandedly made yourself apparent as the most loudest and annoying person ever. You're on the damn bus, no one else is talking, yet you talk as if you're sitting next to a hemi block engine on full rev. I made a failed attempt to increase the volume of my mp3 player while on the bus, but somehow, you managed to tune out the Rammestein song I was listening to. I applaud you and give you the finger at the same time. I just spent a stressful day at school, waiting to go to piano lessons and you and your friends just waltz right on and sit right behind me. I didnt take any notice, until you opened your mouth. Whenever you talked, you seem to manage to cause my ears to just vibrate violently I had the urge to stand up and yell at you to shut up, but I only could imagine what would happen. Lets see how well you'd do:
Question: If I were to suddenly to stand up in my seat and start yelling at you, what would you do?
A. Ignore me
B. Go: "Nu uh... you did not just dooo that!"
C. Ignore me because your piercing voice is causing all the windows to break simultaneously
If you guessed "B", thats what I was thinking too. But lucky for me, My stop was only two after where you got on. So from this point on, I heartily recommend wearing a gag at the same time, but I doubt it'd be much use since you gaping black hole of a mouth would just suck it down instantly and never be seen.
Yours,
Z
Dear Idiot who uses feet instead,
You are a moron. Did you know that? Or do I have to show you? When I followed you out of the library and to first period, I noticed you had just kicked the door of the library open with your feet. Also, I noticed you had your hands in that giant poofy jacket of yours. What, are your hands not designed for work? Are you saving them to show off in a rap video? Hm? Well let me bring you the harsh reality of what's to be.
1. Ditch the jacket, you're not fooling anyone with it
2. You have a low chance of ever becoming a musician or rap artist. If you can even call them artists...
3. Chances are, you spend more time listening to, and thinking about making beats. But you never do get round to it
4. If you actually do manage to get round to it, too bad, because I know you wont fork out the money to buy studio equipment, so my best guess would be that you just ripped music clips from other successful pieces of music.
5. By spending your money on shoes, you have invariably just cut off your head before going off to college. If you even go you moron.
"But wait, if I ditch that, i'm not cool. I'm not showing off my individuality." you may say.
Individuality my crack. You dress like every other two people I bump into or avoid at school. This so called individuality of yours means you just spend 100 dollars on a sweatshirt that you'll only wear on occasion cause it's your expensive threads and you only wear it on special occasions. Let me give you some news about how I dress. Granted, I like to wear nice things, but I wear those on special occasions, and they're meant for special occasions. Like it's intended in the title. SWEAT shirt. SWEAT SHIRT! Originally, hoodies were for people who used to train and run through the cold. But somehow, in the last 3 years, wearing a hooded shirt has become quote and quote formal. Has the world gone mad? Has fashion sense really been flushed down the toilet? Thank god for the metrosexuals, and the gay community. Oh also, the community with common sense. IE people who are normal. Also, who picked out your sweatshirt? Honestly, lime green with multicolored blobs which resemble racoons but are poorly drawn? Are you color blind? Or actually blind? So let me tell you straight from this point. If you ever hope to get anywhere, actually be an individual and not like every other "individual".
So here's the lay down in short words.
1. If you don't do as I say, you'll most likely end up serving my burgers from a little drive thru window at the Mickey D's at south shore.
2. If you dont find fast food service appealing, you can always be a mechanic. Sure you'll get to play with cars, but you'll always be fixing someone else's car and you'll never get to drive it except for backing it in and out of the auto shop. If I even let you.
3. If you dont like either of those two options, you always could become a gangster, count your bundle of hundred dollar bills (but you dont have any since you dont have a job and suck at rapping), with your fine looking ladies (but they wont cling on since you've spent more money on your car and clothes than on them) and lounge about on your mother's tiny porch in some smoggy LA suburb.
But I digress to the extreme. By using your feet, you create a loud noise of your 200 dollar useless shoes slamming the metal bars against the frame. You're in the school library. Libraries are quiet. So what's your intention of making noise? To be the biggest jackass there ever was? Well you won it! By the way, what's the matter with your hands hm? I'll only accept the following two responses: 1. I have no hands, or 2. My hands are paralyzed in that position. But it seems you had them in that stupid jacket of yours. Also, I admire your common courtesey. When you walked out, you had to avoid the door from closing on you. I dunno, I think its just rude to avoid doing work and causing others to jam up just to open the door. So Mr. Bigshot, F U
Yours,
Z
January 07, 2007
Some open letters
Dear Calculus,
I hate you. No wonder why so many people in the world hate you. You suck, that's why. I take one look at you and I cant help but throw up. Even throw up that throw ups. Look, if you want to get people to take you, be a bit easier. Well, I cant blame you entirely. It's probably that mistake of a teacher Sigmon who's ruined you. I'm sorry if that's the case. I'm sure you're fun and all, but you've driven away my friend Bobby... In his Galant...
yours,
Z
------
Dear BMW lady on Webster
You suck at driving. Who the hell double parks on webster? Just to drop off mail? If I could, I would have just rammed into your car and that'd be the end of you. But no, I cant. Oh btw, go home and lose some weight. You're probably fat or soemthing.
yours,
Z
------
Dear EA Games,
Thank You
yours,
Z
I hate you. No wonder why so many people in the world hate you. You suck, that's why. I take one look at you and I cant help but throw up. Even throw up that throw ups. Look, if you want to get people to take you, be a bit easier. Well, I cant blame you entirely. It's probably that mistake of a teacher Sigmon who's ruined you. I'm sorry if that's the case. I'm sure you're fun and all, but you've driven away my friend Bobby... In his Galant...
yours,
Z
------
Dear BMW lady on Webster
You suck at driving. Who the hell double parks on webster? Just to drop off mail? If I could, I would have just rammed into your car and that'd be the end of you. But no, I cant. Oh btw, go home and lose some weight. You're probably fat or soemthing.
yours,
Z
------
Dear EA Games,
Thank You
yours,
Z
September 24, 2006
Thuggin?
I just looked at someone's myspace. Somehow this little 5'3" person thinks he's a thug. He wrote a bulletin all thuggy. The word Ass was predominate along side with the word kick. Then to top it off, he also added: Dont go messaging me cause you know what you did. No we dont you dumb imbicile! The whole purpose is to inform us that something happened to your car. Not to accuse us. If you want to inform that something happened to your car, then tell us. Dont be a whiny little bitch about it. How the hell do we know, do we care about your car? And another thing, next time you're in a book store, which might be never, pick up a dictionary. Your message is riddled with grammatical errors.
Oh and one more thing. Before you plan on kicking the "sht" out of us, grow some balls and handle a situation more adult like rather than starting a fight with some random person.
Oh and one more thing. Before you plan on kicking the "sht" out of us, grow some balls and handle a situation more adult like rather than starting a fight with some random person.
August 23, 2006
An Open Letter (two of 'em)
Dear lady on bus route 38L,
I understand that you get into the mood listening to your music. But when you start making annoying gestures, other commuters find it uncomfortable to sit around and watch you jerk your head forward and backwards. Also, the bug eyed sunglasses dont look good on you. Also, if you'd turn down the volume and let your eardrums recover, you'll notice the bus was quiet. But you had to start mumbling words off key and banging your foot on the floor. My advice, get doc martins. Those wont make any noise. And also, leave the ipod at home once in awhile...
Z
Dear guy with sunglasses at 25th avenue bus stop
You are a moron. I saw you try to open the back door with your hands, but obviously, the buses now employ a hydraulic lock to keep people like you and other fare-evaders out. If the big signs with the *STOP* DO NOT ENTER FROM REAR DOORS tip you off, then the back of the ticket should. You will be FINED! FINED! now that money could have bought you a pair of sunglasses or some decent shoes, but you seem miffed over buck fifty. Oh and next time, have your money ready and stop wasting my time in line at the money machine.
Z
Dear Russian woman on the 38 Ocean Beach
The man cant find 50 cents. Get over it. There's no need to take it out on him like that. Drivers are usually nice and let the person ride free. And you scolded an old man! You spent 5 minutes of my life waiting at 17th avenue. You shouted at him so long, the lights changed. Twice. You even pushed away the young man who tried to give him the bus fare. God, you are a genuine bi***. You know that don't you. And I know what you mean in your Cyrillic tounges. I said Geprobulgh..
Z
I understand that you get into the mood listening to your music. But when you start making annoying gestures, other commuters find it uncomfortable to sit around and watch you jerk your head forward and backwards. Also, the bug eyed sunglasses dont look good on you. Also, if you'd turn down the volume and let your eardrums recover, you'll notice the bus was quiet. But you had to start mumbling words off key and banging your foot on the floor. My advice, get doc martins. Those wont make any noise. And also, leave the ipod at home once in awhile...
Z
Dear guy with sunglasses at 25th avenue bus stop
You are a moron. I saw you try to open the back door with your hands, but obviously, the buses now employ a hydraulic lock to keep people like you and other fare-evaders out. If the big signs with the *STOP* DO NOT ENTER FROM REAR DOORS tip you off, then the back of the ticket should. You will be FINED! FINED! now that money could have bought you a pair of sunglasses or some decent shoes, but you seem miffed over buck fifty. Oh and next time, have your money ready and stop wasting my time in line at the money machine.
Z
Dear Russian woman on the 38 Ocean Beach
The man cant find 50 cents. Get over it. There's no need to take it out on him like that. Drivers are usually nice and let the person ride free. And you scolded an old man! You spent 5 minutes of my life waiting at 17th avenue. You shouted at him so long, the lights changed. Twice. You even pushed away the young man who tried to give him the bus fare. God, you are a genuine bi***. You know that don't you. And I know what you mean in your Cyrillic tounges. I said Geprobulgh..
Z
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