February 02, 2011

It's like Bobby Franklin wiped the law on his bottom

Bobby Franklin, wtf are you doing? So, just as a quick summary for each one of this house bills he's attempting to pass in the Georgia House. I dont think they get more ridiculous as you go along, but merely, each one is ridiculously weird in its own unique way.

Crimes and Offenses: Prenatal murder: to provide
HB1: abortions and contraceptives are illegal & will undermine authority of the Supreme Court. It is no longer the authority of the state, college heads, and local and city governments to provide safe contraceptives and abortions.

Georgia Right to Grow Act; enact
HB2: Right to grow chickens and goats in the city. Cause you know, the last thing you want to do is to remain subservient to the market providers. Lets just return to the feudal system, raise chickens and trade pigs for female companionship. Or the other way round.

Constitutional Tender Act; enact
HB3: Separation from US Legal tender and shift to using gold and silver as legal tender. The motive? The US dollar is weak and tied to china! China is communist, therefore evil, and to avoid something or other, blah blah blah, I JUST WANT TO PAY MY GROCERIES IN GOOOOLD.

Life Liberty and Property Restoration act; enact
HB4: Defines all our rights are given from god and not the civil government. There are several things that we are given. Life, Liberty, NOT the pursuit of happiness, but! Propertah! Dont own propertah? Go git some propertah!

Freedom of Choice and Security Act
HB5: Guns aren't evil, People are! Let them people have guns! It goes as far as to define: People are evil within. Not because of material objects. Well now. Good to know, that although guns dont cause evil, but people do, people should be given the right to own a material object that doesn't cause evil.

Emergency Defense of the Home Act
HB6: Yeeehaw! Let's drive around with explosives and alcohol, it'll be legal thanks to this little doozie.

Right to Travel Act
HB7: Drivers licenses aren't in the constitution, hell, let's shit all over the Georgia DMV system.
HELLS YES. Woot woot, that means 12 year olds and 14 year olds can drive, to quote him: "What's stopping them?"

Due Process Restoration Act
HB8: Ban Security cameras because their intention to curb crime is an infringement on the privacy of the people who just happen to walk by

Kathryn Johnston's Law
HB9: A right to security from forced entry of the government when conducting a search, sting or raid. So... you mean, I can still keep my basement full of weed?

Child Protection Act
HB10: Fences! Fences! That's what will keep our children safe! FENCES.

Freedom from Compulsory Pandemic Act
HB11: You know, it's really our decision whether or not we wish to be subjugated to a pandemic, and even then, people still object to having needles and godless science injected into them. Vaccinations for all! Against typhus (yay), the flu (hooray), malaria (uhh...), Hungarian Potato fly Innocular dystrophy syndrome (what? Is that even real?). And ALL THE TIME
SHALL YOU BE INJECTED!

Georgia Food Freedom Act
HB12: Your peanuts shall never be mislabeled thanks to this puppy.

If you'd like to read the whole thing in context next time you're on the toilet, bring some of these printed out, read the toilet paper, and wipe your bottom with these bills.

http://www.legis.ga.gov/Legislation/en-US/Search.aspx (search for Franklin, in member name)

Just think of all the people standing up as sections of constitutional law, and the guy flying past is Bobby Franklin.

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